Today was a rough day.
Actually this whole week has been really rough.
The last two weeks...
My mom is getting sicker and sicker. Her energy level is dropping and now she is losing her sight and her hearing. She is only 66. I am really not sure what to do here. Taking care of her with all of this is really going to be....fuck there are not words for it. I can't find them. She has doctor's appointments all day Monday. Hopefully they can help... I doubt it but hopefully.
What I really need right now is intimacy. I need someone to hold me tight. Kiss me, caress me, and snuggle me. I need it. No sex just closeness.
Update 5/1/05 11:05 PM
Well today was not so hot for the mommie. She finally broke down and asked me to take her to the ER. So needless to say they kept her. She has some sort of an infection that may be what is causing the hearing loss and such. How that would happen I am clueless but I can see where an infection can screw things up if it is in your blood stream long enough. She also has pnuemonia again. A lot of fluid build up on her lungs which is causing the fatigue and shortness of breath. This part I am all to familar with. This is how the entire illness started 5 years ago. She had so much fluid on her lungs and they couldn't get it off. She spent almost a year in the hospital with 1/2 of that on a breathing machine. That is when everyone thought that she was going to die. I am just hoping that it doesn't happen the same way again. Just let her get better. I just got home and I am so tired. I want to cry but for some reason I just won't let myself do it. I feel like if I cry that I will be giving up hope some how or worrying unnecesarily. At least now I know that she is comfortable and with people who can give her a hell of a lot more help than I can. I am afraid that this will bring her depression back again and it's so hard to deal with someone else's depression when you can't even deal with your own.
Thanks to everyone who has been so kind to me and loving and offering snuggles. I need them bad. I need to just curl up in somebody's lap and cry till snot runs down my face
.
I don't really have the energy to respond to everyone's comments so please forgive me. I love you all and eventhough most of you are not "real life" friends it makes me feel good to know that you took the time out of your day to offer me a piece of your kindness.
I have to go to bed now. So much to do tomorrow. And I need to make my mind shut down.
On a WTF note...
Did you guys see that Tom Cruise is dating Katie Holmes. OMG he is old enough to be her dad. That is just sick and wrong. What is wrong with Tom Cruise that he can't keep a hot woman? You can't tell me that Mimi Rodgers, Nicole Kidman, and Penelope Cruz are all crazy. There has got to be something wrong with him.
Actually this whole week has been really rough.
The last two weeks...
My mom is getting sicker and sicker. Her energy level is dropping and now she is losing her sight and her hearing. She is only 66. I am really not sure what to do here. Taking care of her with all of this is really going to be....fuck there are not words for it. I can't find them. She has doctor's appointments all day Monday. Hopefully they can help... I doubt it but hopefully.
What I really need right now is intimacy. I need someone to hold me tight. Kiss me, caress me, and snuggle me. I need it. No sex just closeness.
Update 5/1/05 11:05 PM
Well today was not so hot for the mommie. She finally broke down and asked me to take her to the ER. So needless to say they kept her. She has some sort of an infection that may be what is causing the hearing loss and such. How that would happen I am clueless but I can see where an infection can screw things up if it is in your blood stream long enough. She also has pnuemonia again. A lot of fluid build up on her lungs which is causing the fatigue and shortness of breath. This part I am all to familar with. This is how the entire illness started 5 years ago. She had so much fluid on her lungs and they couldn't get it off. She spent almost a year in the hospital with 1/2 of that on a breathing machine. That is when everyone thought that she was going to die. I am just hoping that it doesn't happen the same way again. Just let her get better. I just got home and I am so tired. I want to cry but for some reason I just won't let myself do it. I feel like if I cry that I will be giving up hope some how or worrying unnecesarily. At least now I know that she is comfortable and with people who can give her a hell of a lot more help than I can. I am afraid that this will bring her depression back again and it's so hard to deal with someone else's depression when you can't even deal with your own.
Thanks to everyone who has been so kind to me and loving and offering snuggles. I need them bad. I need to just curl up in somebody's lap and cry till snot runs down my face
.
I don't really have the energy to respond to everyone's comments so please forgive me. I love you all and eventhough most of you are not "real life" friends it makes me feel good to know that you took the time out of your day to offer me a piece of your kindness.
I have to go to bed now. So much to do tomorrow. And I need to make my mind shut down.
On a WTF note...
Did you guys see that Tom Cruise is dating Katie Holmes. OMG he is old enough to be her dad. That is just sick and wrong. What is wrong with Tom Cruise that he can't keep a hot woman? You can't tell me that Mimi Rodgers, Nicole Kidman, and Penelope Cruz are all crazy. There has got to be something wrong with him.
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
Darlin' I went through that all with my mother and I know how much it sucks. You need to let yourself cry; it doesn't mean you're givin' up hope if you do. I will be thinkin' about you and your mother (if I believed in anything, I'd pray for y'both so keepin' y'all in my thoughts is the best I can do).
-J
Hope you find some intimacy. The best I can do from here is *hug*.