devil_bitch

So as those of you who love me and pay attention should know that I lost my mom on April 25th. Well today is her birthday. She would have been 68. I was looking forward to this one. I had actually started looking forward to all of her birthday's because it was always a miracle for her to see one. I tried to make a big deal out of it because as she got sicker the more her birthday's depressed her. Which I thought was odd since we both new how big of a deal it was for her to have birthdays. I went to the cemetery today with my son, niece, and nephew. I took her flowers and a birthday card. My son donated one of his Yu-Gi-Oh! cards because it was an angel. That made me tear up. I spent a lot of time talking by my grandparent's graveside as well. Mostly about how much I am sorry for the way things have ended with the house that was once theirs and also hoping that I was everything that could have wanted in a grandchild. My relationship with my mom was really intense over the last ten years. Yes we talked about a lot of things yet there are still things that I never talked to her about and now wish that I had. I know that she loved me and even though there were times where I dissapointed her. I know that she never stopped loving me and only wanted me to be happy. Then I realized that the same thing was probably true of my grandparents.
So.... the point of this is as cliche as it may sound: Tell everyone that you love how much they mean to you. Don't let the little things get in the way. Always communicate with each other. Don't let doubt and insecurities come between you. I know that trust and learning to let things go is not that damn easy. I deal with it a lot. But, if there is love between you nothing should cloud the beauty of that. Don't walk away from each other with doubt in your heart or hatred between you. Always go in for that last kiss and hug. When you look into someone's eyes truly see them.
You never really know if that is the last time you will ever see them or hear their voice. Never let them doubt how much they mean to you.
I also want to say that life is too short to be unhappy. If there is someone or something that makes you happy. Go for it. Do it. Don't worry about others say. In the end we only have to deal with ourselves.

To all my friends who may read this I love you. Thank you so much for being in my life. Between mourning and break ups I would have completely fallen apart. Ok scratch that I did fall apart but at least I know that you were all there to catch me.

To those of you who I may not be as close to as I once was please don't doubt that I love you any less. Things take time to repair. I am trying to learn patience. LOL.