My world is falling apart.
I am losing the first person that ever loved me and that I ever loved.
She is in the hospital again. They rushed her to the ER from dialysis today. She didn't know who she was or where she was. She was talking about things from the 1930's and she wasnt even born until 1938. This confusion thing has been happening more and more.
No one bothered to call me. I went to the nursing home to bring her some clothes that Jeremy/Lhel was so nice to go shopping with me for. I saw her name on the board as being in the hospital. I was pissed to say the least. Ofcourse no one had a clue as to what was going on.
When I finally got to the hospital she was doing a little better. Still very confused. She knew her name and she knew that she was my mother but that was it. When I asked her if she knew who I was she said to me "I know that I am your mother and that you are me. You are a part of me." Then she told me she was scared and asked me to take her home. She wanted to go home with me and for me take care of her. God how I wanted to do that. I know I can't give her what she needs. MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!! I never thought I would feel this way. That it would be so hard. She doesnt look good. I am really scared. I honestly think the end is coming and it hurts a hell of a lot more than I ever thought it would.
Funny how I seem to think that alcohol will make me feel better in times like these. It never does.
I dont know if I can take this.
I have to go on with my life. Work. I got to go. I have no money. I need to sleep but I just can't. My poor son. He was trying so hard to make me smile and laugh. It was cute. I love him. I just hope that I can get wise enough about my health to never put him through what I am dealing with right now.
Ben and Jeremy, thank you so much for all the kindness and support that you have shown me and given me. I truly have forgotten that people can be kind with no ulterior motives.
"We'll see how brave you are. Oh yes. We'll see how fast you come running." -Tori
I am losing the first person that ever loved me and that I ever loved.
She is in the hospital again. They rushed her to the ER from dialysis today. She didn't know who she was or where she was. She was talking about things from the 1930's and she wasnt even born until 1938. This confusion thing has been happening more and more.
No one bothered to call me. I went to the nursing home to bring her some clothes that Jeremy/Lhel was so nice to go shopping with me for. I saw her name on the board as being in the hospital. I was pissed to say the least. Ofcourse no one had a clue as to what was going on.
When I finally got to the hospital she was doing a little better. Still very confused. She knew her name and she knew that she was my mother but that was it. When I asked her if she knew who I was she said to me "I know that I am your mother and that you are me. You are a part of me." Then she told me she was scared and asked me to take her home. She wanted to go home with me and for me take care of her. God how I wanted to do that. I know I can't give her what she needs. MY HEART IS BREAKING!!!! I never thought I would feel this way. That it would be so hard. She doesnt look good. I am really scared. I honestly think the end is coming and it hurts a hell of a lot more than I ever thought it would.
Funny how I seem to think that alcohol will make me feel better in times like these. It never does.
I dont know if I can take this.
I have to go on with my life. Work. I got to go. I have no money. I need to sleep but I just can't. My poor son. He was trying so hard to make me smile and laugh. It was cute. I love him. I just hope that I can get wise enough about my health to never put him through what I am dealing with right now.
Ben and Jeremy, thank you so much for all the kindness and support that you have shown me and given me. I truly have forgotten that people can be kind with no ulterior motives.
"We'll see how brave you are. Oh yes. We'll see how fast you come running." -Tori
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How's your mom?