devil_bitch

I am drowning in the sea that is my life. I know that people are going to offer me help and I honestly dont know what that would entail. My mom is not doing good at all. She is going to have to go into Assisted Living at least for a bit. I feel horrible for her. She is so upset and angry with herself. I keep telling her it's not her fault and it's not like she isn't trying to be independent. She just cant. She passed out today during her physical therapy. In a way I feel so guilty because this would make my life so much easier. I just feel like I am passinger her off for someone else to deal with. She is really weak and stuff right now and is laying down. She is trying to decide if she wants to go to the hospital. She doesn't have enough oxygen to get her back and forth to dialysis tomorrow. So I need to call on that but I am being a chicken shit. I know I need to stop it. Hell she isn't even sure if she can get herself up and out to do to dialysis. I had to leave work early today because of everything that is going on. I talked to the trainer and I know that she understands but I can't keep doing this. I can't lose this job. I cant. It took me so long to find something good and that I can love. I just need someone to hold me while I cry. This when a boyfriend comes in handy. *big fucking emo sigh*

I am so lost, confused, scared, hurting, lonely, and sad. I don't know what to do. Tell me you love me.