Doing what I should do is like swimming up stream, constantly fighting the current. You all sail pass me so happy with life, figuring it all out as you go. Content. I've never felt so out of place as I do now. And thats saying a lot because i never felt i had a place growibg up and im more comfortable now as myself as I have ever been. But the more I put it together, the house, work, relationships the more I realize that this isn't the path to sustain me. I know what i want to try next and it isnt here. And staying instead is like putting on the same pair of shoes everyday that you know don't fit. They just remind me of how unfuckingcomfortable I feel. And the longer I try and fake my way through it the more I realize I just can't anymore. I'm tired of not doing what I really want. Nothing in life comes easy, believe me I know but it also shouldn't be this difficult just to stay afloat. Every day that much more tedious than the last. Every moment that constant reminder that this all feels so wrong. I know the transition will be hard and family will be my hardest critics, but I also know that this isn't my path and I can't make it so that it is. It's gonna be so slow at first and that will be my biggest challenge. I hate sitting idle, especially after feeling like that's all I've done all year. It's gonna take a lot of patience, a virtue I don't have haha. But it can be done. Come on self discipline, show me some loooove.