as usual, things become more stressful rather than less.
pedro is leaving on tuesday; i don't know why on such short notice. i think my mother just wants him out, thinking he will be out of mind, and i will get my head straight and want to go to school here. what she doesn't understand is that i am NOT going to UNLV, great college for hotel masterminds. there is no point in my schooling here. in my opinion, it would only set me back financially, not to mention that living here would make me a less than happy camper.
i am going to try to take pedro to the strip so we can just aimlessly roam around. he leaves at 1:15 in the morning. i'm not so sure what to do without him. it's difficult for me to sleep without him. in fact, i mostly have to just lay there for an hour or two before i do finally go to sleep. i guess i'll just do what i did last christmas - talk to him on the phone until i fell asleep and had to hang up.
i understand why my mother wants me to go to school here. she believes it will "straighten me up". what she doesn't understand is that it's not the location or the people, it's more determined by the mindset i have. i lived here once before and what happened? my grades dropped from a 4.0 to a C average. i try to explain this to her, but all she can say is that i don't care about, i'm telling her "screw you", and the only reason i want to go to altus is to be with p.j. i know he is a reason i want to be there, but even leaving him out of the question, i would still want to be there. yes, it's a shitty school. yes, it's a shitty town. but it is cheap, is only there for my GE, allows me to remain in-state [which means when i go to SWOSU and OU, i will still be paying resident tuition], and i would only pay a minimal cost, compared to the six thousand i would pay here.
i'm so tired of this situation, and i'm so stressed out. i'm sick of crying, sick of thinking, and also sick of thinking of the other serious problems in my life. not to mention, i am sick of feeling like such a damn failure and disgrace.
damn asian mothers.
pedro is leaving on tuesday; i don't know why on such short notice. i think my mother just wants him out, thinking he will be out of mind, and i will get my head straight and want to go to school here. what she doesn't understand is that i am NOT going to UNLV, great college for hotel masterminds. there is no point in my schooling here. in my opinion, it would only set me back financially, not to mention that living here would make me a less than happy camper.
i am going to try to take pedro to the strip so we can just aimlessly roam around. he leaves at 1:15 in the morning. i'm not so sure what to do without him. it's difficult for me to sleep without him. in fact, i mostly have to just lay there for an hour or two before i do finally go to sleep. i guess i'll just do what i did last christmas - talk to him on the phone until i fell asleep and had to hang up.
i understand why my mother wants me to go to school here. she believes it will "straighten me up". what she doesn't understand is that it's not the location or the people, it's more determined by the mindset i have. i lived here once before and what happened? my grades dropped from a 4.0 to a C average. i try to explain this to her, but all she can say is that i don't care about, i'm telling her "screw you", and the only reason i want to go to altus is to be with p.j. i know he is a reason i want to be there, but even leaving him out of the question, i would still want to be there. yes, it's a shitty school. yes, it's a shitty town. but it is cheap, is only there for my GE, allows me to remain in-state [which means when i go to SWOSU and OU, i will still be paying resident tuition], and i would only pay a minimal cost, compared to the six thousand i would pay here.
i'm so tired of this situation, and i'm so stressed out. i'm sick of crying, sick of thinking, and also sick of thinking of the other serious problems in my life. not to mention, i am sick of feeling like such a damn failure and disgrace.
damn asian mothers.
emma35:
I'm sorry pj is leaving so soon! That sucks. Sorry about your mother....i understand. I can't wait to get out. :\ 