Hello fuckers, in today's rant...Stupid serving suggestions, Election, Zombie apocalypse
Have you ever been round someone's place and in their kitchen they have a print of some dead grouse, duck or some other game bird hanging upside down tied at the ankles, or a big ass bowl of fruit, a basket of fresh legumes? In other words a serving suggestion. It's like some sign saying, yes food is prepared in this area. Whenever I see this I think twice about relieving myself in the 'banyo'. I have visions of seeing a print of a freshly evacuated turd artistically wreathed in toilet paper hanging above the cistern, instructing me of the purpose of being in said room. Yeah, anywho, back to the mindless serving suggestions we see on packaging. Yes I'm glad to see cereal in a bowl, it reminds me that I don't have to consume the product directly from the box through the simple expedient of sticking my head directly into the gaping opening I've recently torn in the carton and consuming the hearty breakfast product like a race horse with a bag of oats.
Hey my American mates, elections loom nearer, you get to choose from a political party who's policies are dictated by hearless corporations to a party who are firmly against not being dictated to by heartless corporations. What a dilema! Who shall you vote for?! Seriously, American industry is dead, the only industry you have left is war. So whoever you vote for...Not saying Australia is any better. We are of course the unofficial 51st state. When the US president says jump, our prime minister asks for a GPS location of the landing area and whether we should bring a cardigan, just in case.Yes we will have elections soon enough and we will have to choose between an asshole and a fuckwit. Hey Freedom, yo' democracy! Yeah! You have the right to buy the stupid shit we tell you to buy, watch the crap we tell to you to watch, pay taxes and shut the fuck up! Oh yeah, freedom of expression, yadda yadda*.
*As long as your expression concurs with our values.
Yes I have a new abode. I chose it well, it's on the secound floor, access only through one door, uniquely positioned on the Yarra River for a quick exit in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Think a zombie apocalypse is just a fairy tale? Think again! Here's several reasons why such a dreadful end could deservedly come to society, since I'm thorough I will state these in bullet points:
- Brain Parasites, Toxoplasma gondii, it infiltrates the brains of rats, since this parasite can only breed in the intestine of cats it highjacks the rats brain and makes it head towards the nearest Mr Fluffles. End use, there's probably some lab geek engineering a strain for military use where the effected hume lumbers in a brain dead stupor towards danger. Like lemmings to a cliff, or Mama Cass to a fateful ham sanwich.
-Neurotoxins, ever heard of a little country called Haiti? 'Nuff asaid
-Mad Cow Disease, this turns a usually lovable docile cow into fucked up crazy bovine killing machine. When the average Gary eats a burger made from prime mad cow disease ridden meat, the following symtoms exhibit themselves: Changes in gait, lack of coordination, muscle twitching, myclonic jerks or seizues, delirium or dementia. Does this sound familiar? All it takes is a little more development to weaponise this fucker from the aforementioned lab geek working on brain parasites and...well, yeah you've figured the ugly outcome.
-Rabies, the incubation period is slow compared to other viruses, usually weeks in most animals (inc humes). Symtoms in humans include: stress, anxiety, drooling, convulsions, excitability, loss of muscle control. In animals as in humans, it causes a swelling of the brain which leads the infected animal through stages of solitude and aggression in which it is claimed that the average infected dog not in captivity will bite up to 100 other victims, mostly other animals. After this, the endgame, drooling, an inability to swallow, laboured breathing...again all it takes is a squint on a government contract, and well, 28 days later...
Well, here I am at the bottom of the page, 'already?' I hear you ask, yes but you don't leave empty handed! As they say, always end in a song. Today's mindless ear dross is brought to you courtesy of the English entrant to the 2000 Eurovision song contest, apty named 'Don't play that song again'. So Untill next time, live strong, be strong and truely don't belong. As we all all know society is the ungainly boil on the ass of this fair planet.
For those of you who are close to my heart here's one of my faves
Have you ever been round someone's place and in their kitchen they have a print of some dead grouse, duck or some other game bird hanging upside down tied at the ankles, or a big ass bowl of fruit, a basket of fresh legumes? In other words a serving suggestion. It's like some sign saying, yes food is prepared in this area. Whenever I see this I think twice about relieving myself in the 'banyo'. I have visions of seeing a print of a freshly evacuated turd artistically wreathed in toilet paper hanging above the cistern, instructing me of the purpose of being in said room. Yeah, anywho, back to the mindless serving suggestions we see on packaging. Yes I'm glad to see cereal in a bowl, it reminds me that I don't have to consume the product directly from the box through the simple expedient of sticking my head directly into the gaping opening I've recently torn in the carton and consuming the hearty breakfast product like a race horse with a bag of oats.
Hey my American mates, elections loom nearer, you get to choose from a political party who's policies are dictated by hearless corporations to a party who are firmly against not being dictated to by heartless corporations. What a dilema! Who shall you vote for?! Seriously, American industry is dead, the only industry you have left is war. So whoever you vote for...Not saying Australia is any better. We are of course the unofficial 51st state. When the US president says jump, our prime minister asks for a GPS location of the landing area and whether we should bring a cardigan, just in case.Yes we will have elections soon enough and we will have to choose between an asshole and a fuckwit. Hey Freedom, yo' democracy! Yeah! You have the right to buy the stupid shit we tell you to buy, watch the crap we tell to you to watch, pay taxes and shut the fuck up! Oh yeah, freedom of expression, yadda yadda*.
*As long as your expression concurs with our values.
Yes I have a new abode. I chose it well, it's on the secound floor, access only through one door, uniquely positioned on the Yarra River for a quick exit in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Think a zombie apocalypse is just a fairy tale? Think again! Here's several reasons why such a dreadful end could deservedly come to society, since I'm thorough I will state these in bullet points:
- Brain Parasites, Toxoplasma gondii, it infiltrates the brains of rats, since this parasite can only breed in the intestine of cats it highjacks the rats brain and makes it head towards the nearest Mr Fluffles. End use, there's probably some lab geek engineering a strain for military use where the effected hume lumbers in a brain dead stupor towards danger. Like lemmings to a cliff, or Mama Cass to a fateful ham sanwich.
-Neurotoxins, ever heard of a little country called Haiti? 'Nuff asaid
-Mad Cow Disease, this turns a usually lovable docile cow into fucked up crazy bovine killing machine. When the average Gary eats a burger made from prime mad cow disease ridden meat, the following symtoms exhibit themselves: Changes in gait, lack of coordination, muscle twitching, myclonic jerks or seizues, delirium or dementia. Does this sound familiar? All it takes is a little more development to weaponise this fucker from the aforementioned lab geek working on brain parasites and...well, yeah you've figured the ugly outcome.
-Rabies, the incubation period is slow compared to other viruses, usually weeks in most animals (inc humes). Symtoms in humans include: stress, anxiety, drooling, convulsions, excitability, loss of muscle control. In animals as in humans, it causes a swelling of the brain which leads the infected animal through stages of solitude and aggression in which it is claimed that the average infected dog not in captivity will bite up to 100 other victims, mostly other animals. After this, the endgame, drooling, an inability to swallow, laboured breathing...again all it takes is a squint on a government contract, and well, 28 days later...
Well, here I am at the bottom of the page, 'already?' I hear you ask, yes but you don't leave empty handed! As they say, always end in a song. Today's mindless ear dross is brought to you courtesy of the English entrant to the 2000 Eurovision song contest, apty named 'Don't play that song again'. So Untill next time, live strong, be strong and truely don't belong. As we all all know society is the ungainly boil on the ass of this fair planet.
For those of you who are close to my heart here's one of my faves
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as for my blog the other day its more my mental torments then it is the stupidity in the world around me