dethtron

This is the first blog I've written since I was 17. Why start now? I'm at a loss. Today is my birthday and though I've had a lot of great times, overall this year has been the worst. My girlfriend dumped for some other fucking choad, I watched it happen, we lived together. She had a daughter who I treated as my own, we had a dog together. We fought. We loved. We ended. I thought that was the end until a week ago when she came back with the intentions of getting me not to hate her, truth being I never did, I was just massively hurt. I never wanted her to leave. I wanted her to be an adult and stop acting like a teenage girl. I wanted a woman. So, we talked, we met, we hung out, we hung out again, we got stoned,we saw eachother again, the hugs good bye kept lasting longer. We hooked up. She told me she always missed me and that she loved me and she didn't want to hide it. I felt the butterflies again. We were going to have sex, though I am a dying breed of romantics and wanted to wait to be in a more intimate setting rather than awkwardly in my car. She freaked out. She cut me out again. Or maybe I cut her out again. I miss her. All I wanted to do was hold her in my arms for my birthday. That'll never happen.

I'll be fine. My faith in love is shaken. While she was away I met some other girls, one who I thought I could fall in love with. She just wants to fuck. I'm a dying breed.

I also got fired. My grandma was given 3 months to live. She kicked cancers ass. I've never been more proud, shes on the path to recovery. Fuck you cancer.

I got in my car and noticed a ticket on the windshield. Happy fucking birthday to me.

So... now that I've ranted and noone will probably read this anyway...


I don't want to be bitter against women. There's absolutely nothing more beautiful to me then the curves of the woman I love basking in the moonlight. Without love i feel empty. It's the only thing I've ever wanted to do. Fall in love. I tried internet dating and it's all false advertising. I've tried having my friends hook me up, though most of my dude friends only gun for themselves, and my few female friends don't know any girls I'd be interested in. I don't want to meet a girl at a bar because I'm convinced she will stay in the bar. What do I do? I want to steal flowers and hold doors and move chairs in. I don't want to play the game where I have to be a cocky asshole to get women to be interested in me. Where do I go? What do I do? I don't want to lose faith in anything else.