desormais

long and whiny post ahead:

so, i'm turning 26 on the 28th of this month.

i can't believe it. i fucking hate it. but i guess it can't be worse than last year's (in which i broke up with my gf of 2 years right before), or the year before that during which said ex was in england. i got no party, barely any presents.

speaking of which, i still haven't been paid back for the presents i give others. a fucking ds last year, and an expensive ass purse this year. i was trying to be nice; the purse was a gift for a certain obvious someone, and i also bought her more shit. why? i don't know. i'm assuming she'll talk to me again when she's not in puppy love, which i understand. i usually ignore most of our banter anyway, but the few times i've found things that would generally make her crack up has just gone completely ignored.

it's a theme. so now i'm completely broke thanks to my altruism, and i want to slit my wrists. i haven't felt suicidal in so long...the withdrawal made me want to die, but made me stronger, i thought. guess not.

on the plus side, even though i have the dreaded "skinny fat," i weigh 122 lbs. it's odd. i've also drummed about that many songs in 3 days. my hands are killing me, and i still suck at it. fuck it all.