desormais

god, i'm so lonely.

i thought i was a loner. maybe i am. just...not ...like this.

it's all my fault; i broke it off with my ex 2 months ago. mercie has been wonderful companionship, but it can't be a "real" relationship for a billion reasons.

i don't even know where to turn anymore. i have a crush on a girl at a starbucks, but she's a barista. they're paid to be nice. i don't even know where to meet people. at shows always seems to be a tad skeevy, plus i don't know how i'd introduce myself. i suck at approaching people. i just can't do it.
i can't find anyone here because there's no one here that wants me. seriously, anyway. and it'd really hurt her feelings, SO i have to leave soon probably.not that anyone is seriously interested anyway, i'm just another face

i used to meet people online all the time....gut myspace and facebook are fucking barren.
my fat ass and ugliness (and low self esteem) has guaranteed that i won't be impressing anyone anytime soon.
*sigh*
i wish i could just...find the balls to be happy being alone. i usually am. i hate being bothered. but i was so emasculated by my previous relationship that i have zero courage.

she's not even worth it, i know i know, i know,i know, but god i miss my ex. so many stupid reasons. ugh.

sorry to bitch so much. life is pain. this is my fault. that's all.

ugh. and this post is lame, and now i'm the laughingstock of chat for how pathetic i am. i hope i never wake up again.