desirey

I had to go shoot my next set today but I had a massive sunburn and an allergic reaction the other day when I went to the pool so that is out of the question and I am super pissed at myself cuz now I don't know when I'll be able to do it and if it will be what I wanted it to be... I am getting really frustrated and mad and disappointed at myself and I'm starting to lose hope in this... I don't have the money to hire a professional photographer whenever I want and I don't have a professional camera so my chances are running pretty low from what I see in MR these days...
It always turns out this way when I get my hopes up... I expected the perfect summer and now that too looks like it will go down hill. I can't get exited about anything anymore cuz I always ruin it that way...
Yeah I'm feeling pretty blue right now and not even the thought that my boyfriend is coming home in 2 days cheers me up cuz that too bums me out. He's been in a pretty bad mood too recently and he says he is exited to see me and all but I can feel he is worried and mad and I don't know how to handle that, I don't know if I'll be able to cheer him up when he gets back... I don't know if I can be a good enough girlfriend and this makes me more sad and more mad and even more worried about these next few months...
Uh and my whole body hurts and itches and I look like hell!!! DAMN IT!!!