desidia

I remember when I used to connect to people. I feel like a mutant, the only one of my kind. It doesn't make sence. Nothing makes sence. The world is dying.

Look, its elementary in my mind. None of my tastes are that exotic, my tastes can stand to be more elitist. There should be other people like myself, looking in the same places as me for people to relate to. I just want to belong. A small clique of people my own age and with more to talk about than mocking the masses and the vices of sex and drugs. Its been years since I felt I belonged.

Always an outsider surrounded by aquaintences and occasionally a lover. I think I liked it better in Portland being the token goth when I didn't feel as obligated to really get along with people.

One must always change or die but I'm hitting my limit of change.

Somewhere out there must be a handful of 20ish apathetic, intelligent goths confounded and downhearted from the scene.

I miss the old days. Sleepovers. I still remember those. Come over for a movie, drink and laugh all night. Cram everyone into a bed and pass out. People I wasn't afraid to come in contact with.

Everyone feels like a business contact now. Social lives have become so much work. I should have to check a time card when I go to clubs.

I think the world is really falling apart. Nevermind.