desidia

I want to shoot anxiety in the face. Theres nothing quite like having to lay down to rest every half hour and still be unable to relax. Outside the fact I'm so stressed out I have heartburn, my body has gone as tense and as sore as possible and all my elitism has run off on vacation to leave me feeling helpless and worthless I think life is good.

I'm actually doing okay. Despite the occasional paralyzing fear and onslaught of everything that makes me edgy all at once I haven't quite flipped out yet. I think I'll make it. I'm getting some really good help through this.

I'm really looking forward to settling so this haze of anxiety will lift and I can really start enjoying myself and appreciating how fortunate I am.

Sorry for being so emo, this has just been a very hard period for me. Leaving portland tonight or tomorrow.
It'll be good to get the drive out of the way, driving 10 hours knowing I get panic attacks primarly in automobiles is not so awesome. Then I'll just have adjusting to a new city, being broke, basically homeless and unemployed to cope with...

Yesterday I found the driver cd to my scanner and a cd for a lame photo editing program to replace Photoshop which now hates me. At least its better than Paint. Anyways, I finally scanned a really good sketch of my what will someday be my back piece. Of course the final version will be considerably more detailed as it will be approx. 3 ft instead of 4 inches like the sketch.

Also played around with some flash as I guess selling it is what I'm going to be doing for food until I find a job...







I'll be expiring in a few days and I don't know when I'll be back, as internet access and money to fund it are both intangible goals at the moment. When I come back I think I'll be ready to be desidia again.