So @morgan tagged me to do this over eight years ago and I'm only getting around to it now... I'm posting the questions verbatim from 2006 except where there are parentheses.
1. As *nsync would say, God must have spent a little more time on you. What, exactly, did God spend more time on?
Doubt. Enough for you, me and everyone we know.
2. If you had to start your own war against something, what would it be and why? Also, what would the protesters do in protest, to show they think your war is evil?
I'd fight for transparency and against double-standards and hypocrisy. Rob a bank, go to prison. Own a bank, rob the world etc. I imagine protesters would defend the status quo in the name of the status quo.
3. In the movie of your life, who would play you and who would play your love interest?
I doubt anyone who has met me wouldn't think Alan Cumming was made for the roll. As for the love interest... well there isn't really a role to cast at the moment but I did dream up an entire romantic comedy starring me and Kristen Wiig. Feel free to cast Emma Watson or Cate Blanchett though.
4. What flavor of diet coke do you want next?
I could not care less so I'm going to go with crystal. Bring back clear cola! Just for shits & giggles.
5. Insert picture of what you think is the (and then there's a dead link so I have no idea what goes here)
So have some photoshopped Nick Cave in a Scooby-Doo costume.
6. If girls had penises and boys had vaginas who would you date/fuck?
I'm not really sure how that would change anything. Maybe physical fitness would become more of a priority.
7. Have you ever farted in public? If so, what were the circumstances?
A) Everyone has. To pretend otherwise is shameful.
B) One time during a particularly lengthy, boring and quiet Art History lecture I put my feet on my desk and leaned back in my chair. Extending my legs in an elevated position produced a particularly pronounced flatulation that cut through that slide like a knife. I could have died from the embarrassment.
8. Tell me one crazy "I can't belive how drunk I was" story.
I know I've got better ones but this if the first one I thought I'm comfortable enough to put on the internet. One time I left a party at like 5:00 in the morning but I forgot something and called the friend whose place it was. Except I woke up my other friend with the same name instead. Actually that friend was OGSG @anais and we never spoke again after that :(
9. Ideal Christmas stocking?
It's more of a package deal than a tie: tiny liquor bottles and scratch-it lottery tickets. Two great tastes that taste great together.
10. Who is Britney Spear's soulmate? (Wow this quiz might even have been dated in 2006)
Chester Cheetah. Hands down.
11. What is one book you think everyone should read?
Good fucking question. And by good I mean difficult. I don't know, let's go with Cormac McCarthy. Just to show people you can write unusual in addition to writing about the unusual. 'No Country For Old Men' I guess.
P.S. Morgan originally answered this question in January 2006 with "The Perks of Being A Wallflower", which I have not read but just saw the film version only a week ago. Huh. Small coincidences.
12. At your heaviest, how much did you weigh? Liar.
Well this quiz was clearly created by a girl. Anyway, since honesty is my hobby and I don't really care: Being unemployed since last August I topped off at the end of the holiday season (Superbowl Sunday) at 160.
13. Ever puked and run? Tell us your story.
I'm not entirely sure I'm grasping the context of the question but I've never vomited in a situation that caused me enough embarrassment to flee. There's probably been a few times I've puked and then literally gone running, probably on a 'beer run'.
14. Tell us one 'too tired to finish masturbating' story, then join our club (followed by a dead livejournal link).
I don't think 'too tired to finish masturbating' warrants a narrative. Unless you want to count a time when after already experiencing two orgasms brought on by a separate party, said party wanted a self-induced third one preferably over her upper torso.
15. Write down three true facts, and one lie. Don't tell us which one is the lie (y'all have to guess)
A) My favorite color is silver
B) I hate bananas
C) My response to question #14 involved an SG
D) One time I drank tequila and when I woke up I had a plane ticket I didn't pay for. And used it.
16. Insert your favorite cute/cuddly picture just to make us smile.
17. If you cooked a dinner for someone you were head over heels in love with, what would you cook?
Something entirely new to me just for them. But if within the limitations of my own repertoire I like to do seafood pasta and caesar or my signature double-decker grilled sandwiches depending on the occasion.
18. If you had to write something on your forehead and walk around with it all day, what would it be?
DESPAIR
19. What is your favorite piece of art, and would you please post a picture of it below?
That would be my print of Barnaby Ward's 'Humphrey' (which has been in the same cardboard tube for at least six years because framing is expensive and I want to pull out all the stops)
I'm so glad that question said 'favorite' and not 'greatest'.
20. Would you have sex with Xena, Warrior Princess? What would it be like? Also, if you said no, are you crazy? What are your reasons for declining?
Okay, wow. This is so dated, but "DUH". I would totally bang Xena, aka Lucy Lawless, aka Diane on Parks & Recreation. But I would immediately stop if she did the 'ay-yi-yi' yipping bit. Or just laugh.
21. What's your favorite animal?
My top five:
A) Black and white striped sea snakes, aka Banded Sea Kraits.
B) Pangolins.
C) Spiders.
D) Scorpions.
E) All cephalopods , but I guess the Humboldt squid most of all.
22. If you were a color, what color would you be and why?
A translucent, cool dark grey with a hint of crimson. The color of ashes in water as the sun starts to rise. Because it felt the most appropriate.
23. What turns you on? If it involves a ball gag, please describe.
I'm a big fan of getting tied up. Sometimes ball gags would be involved. I don't personally enjoy having something strapped into my mouth that makes it impossible to talk or keep your saliva in your mouth but I do like seeing how happy a lady can get when you let her.
24. On a scale of 1-10, how dumb is it to decline the above question by answering 'that's too personal'?
This quiz is getting weird and I'm thinking this is maybe why I didn't fill it out eight years ago. I'm going to go with a 4 or 5. While I respect privacy above everything else, I think it's poor form to only answer the questions you're comfortable with.
25. Why are ball gags sexy?
Yeah... this is getting weird but I've already spent an hour filling this out and I'm not going to throw away that hour and the eight years it took to get here. So my honest answer is they aren't. Something to think about however would be that while humanity has created culture, society and bureaucracy, sex is still sex and it's a small window of time to translate complex thoughts into hormonal actions.
26. Do you have any personal opinions on ice trays?
Yes. I could write an essay on the topic but I want to finish this quiz and move on with my life.
27. What's the most painful thin you've ever had done to you/done to another person during sex?
Someone I met on here wrote "I miss you" on my hip with a razor blade. Despite my best efforts it healed completely and it's probably for the best.
28. If you had to be stranded for the rest of your life on a desert island and pick one person to go with you, would you pick someone you could really talk to or someone who gave you the best sex of your life? If you say both, you're a fucking whore.
I would rather have someone to talk to but said person from previous question was once both.
29. What is the biggest insult someone could tell you?
Mediocricy.
30. If you were/are a big dyke, would you wear the strap-on or would your partner?
Same as @morgan : We'd switch. Duh.
