desidia

I almost felt happy today. I was feeling kinda good thanks mostly to Rufus Wainwright and a new book (Dracula). up until this evening, if you over looked certain major things you could have said I was having a good day.

the second this thought occured to me I had an enormous panic attack and felt dizzy with anxiety. whether because I'm unused to happiness or because this meant something terrible was just beyond the horizon I'm not sure.