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desidia

that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

Member Since 2002

Followers 169 Following 92

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Sunday Nov 19, 2006

Nov 18, 2006
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*sigh*

To start off with. Seriously, can I have my hi-speed internet back? I get mine from a sattelite and a storm knocked it out. That was at least a week ago but the motherfuckers don't want to come out and fix it until after Thanksgiving.

The week of pouring, pounding rain finally ceased... and been replaced with a thick heavy fog.

So lets play catch-up.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)


I still find the energy to update difficult. I left most of it in New York. I'm still waiting for a camera cord so I can tell you what happened right. New York has nothing to do it actually. They could have been any streets (but it does make smile to say the first streets I slept on where among the blind and lost posh in UES).

What I mean to say is if you were curious at all, I was homeless from Sept. 1-19. I slept in a basement staircase for a week then park benches and on one terrifying night behind some bushes on a sidewalk in a disturbing alley. I ate mostly 7-11 hotdogs. A single friend came and saw me, kept me from going completely mad.

I don't really feel like getting into how this came about and how I got out of it but that was Sept.
I spent several days on a train and returned to the home of my parents. I didn't want to. I was waiting and working for a miracle or some karma. I was going to wait until October rather than crawl back but the nights got colder and the rain kept falling.

The charm and glory of a bed, a roof. Having my cats again and my books. It lasted three weeks tops. I came back with no noticeable gain in humility, self-discipline or attitude.

Nothing happens here. I'm trapped. There is nothing and no one here. There's a convenience store and a small post office about 10 miles away and mostly trees and fields inbetween.

I have no money. For Halloween a friend said she would pick me up on her way from Portland to Eugene. She stood me up and did not even bother to cancel.

By my birthday I had found a job, I picked up a seasonal position at See's Candies. They give me less than ten hours a week. About the only things I like about is I get to wear a tie and its not exactly stressful.

For my birthday I got to go to work for three hours, come home, eat a dull meal and not speak to my mother. Woo.

The days inbetween have blurred.



However, theres now her, the only thing I care about besides myself and getting out of here.



She found me first strangely enough and we fit together like a knife in a back but we pretended not to notice. It was just myspace. We were and are... at the far ends of two different continents. But we kept finding comments and messages from each other. Maybe a week later were on instant messengers until six in the morning (one or the other, we're 10 hours apart). Then our fear of international phone bills was overcome much sooner than either of us would have felt comfortable guessing.

The second we heard the other's voice we were hooked. We considered each other a drug, an addiction, mental and physical lust. But then we were crushing, and then smitten and we were helpless to stop it.

We fell for each other. It was too soon and impossible but it happened. We came to accept it, we mocked each other for it, hated the other for it but even thats gone now.

It was like falling in love with the voice in your head, the one that actually makes things seem so easy, the one that knows how to talk to people. but with a body. and oh what a body...

it must be Love because I'm at that point where I don't know what I'm even doing let alone what I should do, or want to do but I keep finding myself stepping forward. blindly.

I know its stupid, impossible, ill-timed but really I don't. those facts have gathered like dusty cobwebs you know are there, you see them but are invisible from notice.

Hell, I don't think it even registered with me until today that yes, I'm in love and this is now a part of my future and will have influences and consequences. All this time my head was flooded with the sound of her voice and the feelings she gave me.

Maybe someday we may even meet frown

I'm tired as fuck but if I stay up another hour she may wake up and I'll get to talk to her again blush

VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
therightbastard:
Hmm.

Hot, evil brunette.

Dated Desidia.

Met due to SG.

No thanks, I already bought that T-shirt.

::grin::

This is me exhibiting "learning behaviour".
Nov 25, 2006
therightbastard:
Well, that sounds promising...

::grin::
Nov 25, 2006

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