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desidia

that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

Member Since 2002

Followers 169 Following 92

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Wednesday Oct 18, 2006

Oct 17, 2006
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On second thought comment, having someone so demanding and deserving I'd have no time to be worshipped or even regard my desire for affection... that would be equally fine. And I cannot stress equally enough. Either or, both would weigh the same to me.

I had someone like that once. Made me feel content in my person. I can't yet see what I could have done to have kept it from turning to past tense... I continue to improve myself in meaningless directions, most likely going towards this person while pretending it is my own path.

I can rationalize it a thousand ways, past and present. But I'm still alone. Even with an unreal Dutch beauty, model of even higher degree than ever, I still wish differently for the past.

Playfully trying to imagine what accent the true elitist's have in Amsterdam, I can barely bide my time.


And then scrunched in the emo corner (as everything prior is a slowly-calculated equation of my own emotions including the chemical and environmental conditions): Fuck it. I can never pour my heart out.

I am firstborne,firstlove. I am unrequited. I am Irish and I am five-times scorpio.

I am made of lies and secrets, I pretend to wear masks out truths, I Hate and I Love both Everything and Nothing. And then theres still room for Her and the Opposite-of-Her and then a little room for- Strike that. I was convinving myself with the delusions I label as such even if they are truth.

I can't believe I wasn't born with Scorpio burned in my side. And I'm surprised no one has yet burned it in me. I am not surprised I still keep putting off doing it myself.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
richardson:
i had to look up nifty. always pleased to learn something new.
Oct 22, 2006
richardson:
do do i.
Oct 22, 2006

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