Damn EMO virus. Alchohol weakens your immune system to it. Now I have to stay offline and away from phones until the feeling that I'm a complete failure and will continue to stay one passes again.
Although a pretty big failure in life at this point all my role models and peers are 4-8 years older than me. I keep saying I have 4-8 years to get to somewhere where they are but it doesn't help. They probably were better off than I was at my age but I've still got a pretty good start towards who I want to become.
I just still haven't felt settled anywhere. After 18 years in what felt and was a solid, permanent home, everything has been fragile and transient. I think the biggest thing I need is a place that really feels my own. No landlord or temporary lease, no roomates. A place thats just mine, to make my base of operations. Then I could feel calm. Start accomplishing my goals.
Who knows though? Maybe even then I still won't be able to shake the feeling I'm not really living, just killing time.
Although a pretty big failure in life at this point all my role models and peers are 4-8 years older than me. I keep saying I have 4-8 years to get to somewhere where they are but it doesn't help. They probably were better off than I was at my age but I've still got a pretty good start towards who I want to become.
I just still haven't felt settled anywhere. After 18 years in what felt and was a solid, permanent home, everything has been fragile and transient. I think the biggest thing I need is a place that really feels my own. No landlord or temporary lease, no roomates. A place thats just mine, to make my base of operations. Then I could feel calm. Start accomplishing my goals.
Who knows though? Maybe even then I still won't be able to shake the feeling I'm not really living, just killing time.
I think your crush rules are correct. Don't consider yourself replaced, however, just moved to a more secure spot on my list. I think your trial period is over. Now I'll let you stick around as long as you want.