Hello people, sorry i disconnected for like a week 
Lots happened like a massive big bang of chaos and coincidence. I'm drained
It began with a party, a look, something a bit forbidden and now its manifest into something just blinding.
I recently got talking to a girl I met at a party. Although my encounters are crazy as a norm, what you need to know is that she had a boyfriend and I ended up spending the night. I'll maintain I was lured into it but there was just frustration and exhaustion no completion just a faint tease. Waking up with an alarm that made us both feel complete clarity and slight disgust at ourselves.
The second day, after work. She had a date with someone else. I took it to mean more than it was (although to the guy she saw. It was more than it seemed) and because of the apparent dissatisfaction with the night before/ the strong feelings that i didn't want and a simple question from a fuck buddy "do you wanna come over" Things became complicated. I tried to empty my thoughts It didn't work. I was a confused mess, and the bud saw herself more than just a bud and to her credit was one of my best friends. The was becomes apparent soon enough....
The third night I found myself in bed. With the new girl. In awkward passion ended with the painful truth of the night before. Talking, the disgrace. The revelation of being with another. This was all after a "joke" about a competition between me and the other guy. For her. the 11 year friendship guy who had proposed to her the date the day before.
I took the next day off blind in confusion. Lust, admiration and in a dream. We talked, stroked, laid and pondered. She went to work later on and I floated through town realizing about a party i had said i was to attend. We went back and talked. I went off to see my friend i think. Drinking, Laughing. Freezing cold, text the new girl expecting nothing but she arrived and my heart did to. We met and went back to hers. I stayed the night possibly... I had a party in there somewhere (with lots of gay people and bad music). Then I went bowling with work after work. The next day, lots of alcohol, felt terrible about the best friend that I had betrayed... told her when she was at the hospital, her best friend having tests to see if she had lost her baby. MESS.
Ended up back with the new girl. Head and consciousness all over the place.
There's more but I should imagine you can get the gist of the emotional derailment.
Staring and admiring her features. Time, just not even being relevant.
I'm now sat here, typing. After a paranoid delusion that has burrs sticking onto facts and just blooming into fantasy and exaggeration. Losing my grip on what to do because It feels like my soul has just shifted and become so immense I'm scared it will fly off with the wind and carry my sanity with it. Its like I'm drowning and I'm going down to a depth that I haven't been to, that I have not wanted to go anywhere near.
Intense
Always walking the hard way through life
Lots happened like a massive big bang of chaos and coincidence. I'm drained
It began with a party, a look, something a bit forbidden and now its manifest into something just blinding.
I recently got talking to a girl I met at a party. Although my encounters are crazy as a norm, what you need to know is that she had a boyfriend and I ended up spending the night. I'll maintain I was lured into it but there was just frustration and exhaustion no completion just a faint tease. Waking up with an alarm that made us both feel complete clarity and slight disgust at ourselves.
The second day, after work. She had a date with someone else. I took it to mean more than it was (although to the guy she saw. It was more than it seemed) and because of the apparent dissatisfaction with the night before/ the strong feelings that i didn't want and a simple question from a fuck buddy "do you wanna come over" Things became complicated. I tried to empty my thoughts It didn't work. I was a confused mess, and the bud saw herself more than just a bud and to her credit was one of my best friends. The was becomes apparent soon enough....
The third night I found myself in bed. With the new girl. In awkward passion ended with the painful truth of the night before. Talking, the disgrace. The revelation of being with another. This was all after a "joke" about a competition between me and the other guy. For her. the 11 year friendship guy who had proposed to her the date the day before.
I took the next day off blind in confusion. Lust, admiration and in a dream. We talked, stroked, laid and pondered. She went to work later on and I floated through town realizing about a party i had said i was to attend. We went back and talked. I went off to see my friend i think. Drinking, Laughing. Freezing cold, text the new girl expecting nothing but she arrived and my heart did to. We met and went back to hers. I stayed the night possibly... I had a party in there somewhere (with lots of gay people and bad music). Then I went bowling with work after work. The next day, lots of alcohol, felt terrible about the best friend that I had betrayed... told her when she was at the hospital, her best friend having tests to see if she had lost her baby. MESS.
Ended up back with the new girl. Head and consciousness all over the place.
There's more but I should imagine you can get the gist of the emotional derailment.
Staring and admiring her features. Time, just not even being relevant.
I'm now sat here, typing. After a paranoid delusion that has burrs sticking onto facts and just blooming into fantasy and exaggeration. Losing my grip on what to do because It feels like my soul has just shifted and become so immense I'm scared it will fly off with the wind and carry my sanity with it. Its like I'm drowning and I'm going down to a depth that I haven't been to, that I have not wanted to go anywhere near.
Intense
Always walking the hard way through life
lol
I need a drink just after reading that....