Desdenovas LA Sojourn
Volume 1: THE FLIGHT
Flight #1 Numbers:
# Of
-Baileys and coffees consumed= 5.
-Gallons of Baileys and coffee laced urine voided during flight= roughly nine and a half.
-Motherfuckers hissed under my breath during take off and landing of unwieldy winged monstrosity= 213.
-Mormons offended while struggling to remove bag from overhead bin= The exact same as the number of Mormons that will comfortably fit in a 737.
Before boarding the plane, I managed to make myself nervous by dwelling on the fact that there hadnt been a high profile plane crash recently.
Luckily, my good Irish friend and his Columbian cohort convinced me that I was just being a silly goose. It should be noted that by Columbian cohort, I mean coffee. Not that OTHER product that is imported from Columbia.
Next, were the thoughts of an intentional crashing of the plane.
This was soon deemed ridiculous. After all, what possible political leverage is to be gained by smashing a plane into a city full of Mormons? Unless having, people send you fruit baskets is considered a strategic victory.
As we all know, fruit baskets are a sign of freedom and Dick Cheney told me that terrorists HATE freedom, so I considered myself safe.
Besides, any state that wont even sell its citizens full strength beer is practically a Taliban outpost.
Flight #2 Numbers:
# Of
-Vodka/Crans sucked down before big metal bird thing left the ground= 2.
-Minutes spent marveling over awesome, giant-doughnut shaped ice= 5. Seriously these things could have been frozen, midget-sized cock rings. Although you would have to be one sadistic puppy to force your pet midget to wear an icy cock ring. Shame on you for even thinking about it.
-Overpriced drinks consumed in airport bars= 1.
-Concession speeches watched while nursing my $7 vodka/cran= 1.
This leg of the flight was rather uneventful, the sole highlight being the glorious state of slight inebriation I reached, which allowed me to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. A complete stranger who looked oddly like Chuck.
This evening I make my first contact with members of SGLA. it should prove interesting.
This journal has been brought to you by Sleep Deprivation and slight alcohol consumption.
Volume 1: THE FLIGHT
Flight #1 Numbers:
# Of
-Baileys and coffees consumed= 5.
-Gallons of Baileys and coffee laced urine voided during flight= roughly nine and a half.
-Motherfuckers hissed under my breath during take off and landing of unwieldy winged monstrosity= 213.
-Mormons offended while struggling to remove bag from overhead bin= The exact same as the number of Mormons that will comfortably fit in a 737.
Before boarding the plane, I managed to make myself nervous by dwelling on the fact that there hadnt been a high profile plane crash recently.
Luckily, my good Irish friend and his Columbian cohort convinced me that I was just being a silly goose. It should be noted that by Columbian cohort, I mean coffee. Not that OTHER product that is imported from Columbia.
Next, were the thoughts of an intentional crashing of the plane.
This was soon deemed ridiculous. After all, what possible political leverage is to be gained by smashing a plane into a city full of Mormons? Unless having, people send you fruit baskets is considered a strategic victory.
As we all know, fruit baskets are a sign of freedom and Dick Cheney told me that terrorists HATE freedom, so I considered myself safe.
Besides, any state that wont even sell its citizens full strength beer is practically a Taliban outpost.
Flight #2 Numbers:
# Of
-Vodka/Crans sucked down before big metal bird thing left the ground= 2.
-Minutes spent marveling over awesome, giant-doughnut shaped ice= 5. Seriously these things could have been frozen, midget-sized cock rings. Although you would have to be one sadistic puppy to force your pet midget to wear an icy cock ring. Shame on you for even thinking about it.
-Overpriced drinks consumed in airport bars= 1.
-Concession speeches watched while nursing my $7 vodka/cran= 1.
This leg of the flight was rather uneventful, the sole highlight being the glorious state of slight inebriation I reached, which allowed me to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. A complete stranger who looked oddly like Chuck.
This evening I make my first contact with members of SGLA. it should prove interesting.
This journal has been brought to you by Sleep Deprivation and slight alcohol consumption.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
If you throw it back at me, our friendship is so over.
But just for the night.
I shall be back tomorrow night. We'll have to make some plans. I'd call you but my phone has gone completely gimpy.
It doesn't like being away from Seattle-and frankly neither do I.