WOW. in two days I had a wopping 16 comments. Thanks guys.
I changed all my SG Favs. I think I will change them more often.
I've decided to do a few things tonight. Not mondain, but life altering none the less. I want to go back to school. For nursing. That will be hard, but nessasary. I found out tonight that the hospital RNs get $25 on the hour, and $35 if called in. What the fuck is that????? It might take me two years do , do to working while going to school, but it will be worth it.
I can't sleep anymore. Not sure if its the Twizzler factor, or the fact that I'm back to the same job was much stress, and very little pay. I'd be better off working for Mcdonalds for $8 an hour.........
Don't get me wrong. I'm so not about the money. But when you don't have it....its different.
I stress about how I'm going to make it. I sress about, what if I get sick. I stress about almost everything at this point. But its my job as a care giver.
I got a new little girl today in Preschool. She clung to me. She touched two other little boys...and I ask her why. She told me her daddy Brian had done the same to her at his car lot. 
How sad is that???? Shes 5.
NO wonder I can't sleep.
I deal better with blood and gore, than emotional shit. I would cut myself if I thought it would help her. But there is nothing I can do. Her mother acted like I hadn't said anything new, and changed the subject....common for her. I just don't get it. But I feel helpless about it also.
On another note. My BF has been offered a job elsewhere. He is far enough as it is, but I will support him in whatever decsion he makes because I love him.
This in itself is hard for me to admit. It seems as though everytime I let my guard down ,and let someone in, I get the short end of the stick.......but somehow I don't see that with him. We seem to be on the same wave length. If we were living together, I think he would only better me. This is rare for me to even concieve. In fact, its shocking.
I have supported myself and my children for 5...almost 6 years alone. I don't know how to except help, or support by any terms. This is a good thing in terms, for I know how to stay in control.....and yet, he's prob. reading this too now, so I will not inform you of too much. I will write it discreetly for myself alone.
I have vented on my journal here for apx 4 monthes, and it has become my therapy.I got more involved with a few groups as of 2 days ago as well. Groups that without me going to each individual personally, I don't think would have even been remembered. I felt it important to let them know, we shouldn't let the groups die...for at one point they were part of my rock.
When I joined SG I will admit to being self abusive. I was in a rut that I could not keep myself from. I was cutting(myself) again. Drinking intirely too much, and staying away from the possitive things in my life becasue I had felt too little for too long. Now I feel that I'm getting stronger again. So here's hoping I stay this way.......
I changed all my SG Favs. I think I will change them more often.
I've decided to do a few things tonight. Not mondain, but life altering none the less. I want to go back to school. For nursing. That will be hard, but nessasary. I found out tonight that the hospital RNs get $25 on the hour, and $35 if called in. What the fuck is that????? It might take me two years do , do to working while going to school, but it will be worth it.
I can't sleep anymore. Not sure if its the Twizzler factor, or the fact that I'm back to the same job was much stress, and very little pay. I'd be better off working for Mcdonalds for $8 an hour.........
Don't get me wrong. I'm so not about the money. But when you don't have it....its different.
I stress about how I'm going to make it. I sress about, what if I get sick. I stress about almost everything at this point. But its my job as a care giver.
I got a new little girl today in Preschool. She clung to me. She touched two other little boys...and I ask her why. She told me her daddy Brian had done the same to her at his car lot.
How sad is that???? Shes 5.
NO wonder I can't sleep.
I deal better with blood and gore, than emotional shit. I would cut myself if I thought it would help her. But there is nothing I can do. Her mother acted like I hadn't said anything new, and changed the subject....common for her. I just don't get it. But I feel helpless about it also.
On another note. My BF has been offered a job elsewhere. He is far enough as it is, but I will support him in whatever decsion he makes because I love him.
This in itself is hard for me to admit. It seems as though everytime I let my guard down ,and let someone in, I get the short end of the stick.......but somehow I don't see that with him. We seem to be on the same wave length. If we were living together, I think he would only better me. This is rare for me to even concieve. In fact, its shocking.
I have supported myself and my children for 5...almost 6 years alone. I don't know how to except help, or support by any terms. This is a good thing in terms, for I know how to stay in control.....and yet, he's prob. reading this too now, so I will not inform you of too much. I will write it discreetly for myself alone.
I have vented on my journal here for apx 4 monthes, and it has become my therapy.I got more involved with a few groups as of 2 days ago as well. Groups that without me going to each individual personally, I don't think would have even been remembered. I felt it important to let them know, we shouldn't let the groups die...for at one point they were part of my rock.
When I joined SG I will admit to being self abusive. I was in a rut that I could not keep myself from. I was cutting(myself) again. Drinking intirely too much, and staying away from the possitive things in my life becasue I had felt too little for too long. Now I feel that I'm getting stronger again. So here's hoping I stay this way.......
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
... you should definately call child services though...