Hey people. Despite promising myself that I would stick to a writing schedule everyday on here, I haven't been able to live up to that promise. My life has gotten extremely messy in the past few weeks, and it's caused me to feel this deep depression about everything. That's not a good excuse, I know, and I shouldn't let things get to me as much as it does, but I do break down sometimes. While I'm getting through this, however, I did want to talk about some of the things that have been going on, a little bad, a little good, and a little weird.
I now know what it feels like to be "ghosted." For those unfamiliar with the term, it is when a person you've been dating or seeing suddenly stops talking to you, without warning, never to be heard from again. I was seeing someone who I thought was amazing, but then, she stopped talking to me and cut all social ties from me (facebook, instagram, etc.). I know that I wasn't the best guy to date. I let my nails grow out more than they should sometimes. I let my beard grow out a day or two more than I'd like. I don't get angry, even when I probably should. I have my days where I just hate myself, with no hope of forgiveness. I have my days where I just want to be silly. I wonder, though, were any of these things worth abrupt isolation? Did I commit some unknown offense that warranted such a reaction? It's truly the unknown that is the most painful part. It's the knowledge that someone you cared about is gone, and you'll never know why.
On a lighter note, my schooling has been going fairly well. All of the classes I'm taking right now are specialty courses in risk management, and I'm averaging an 89% in all four. Not bad for a person who hasn't stepped foot inside a classroom for six years. I guess it's just a lot easier to do well in classes when you have a more specific goal and direction. I started out as this theater kid, who had no direction and no plan, and ended up flunking out of school two times. Now, I've ditched the theater kid style, long hair included, and have adopted a more business-like mentality, with a suit to match. I hope I graduate. I hope I find a job that puts that degree to good use. I hope I'm able to repay all of the people who supported me throughout this long period of messing up and learning. Most of all, though, I hope I make some difference in this world, even if it's a small one.
Finally, I'm pleased to say that my cat, Sammy, enjoys watching SG as much as I do. I'm convinced that all cats secretly enjoy watching people get naked, freaking voyeurs haha.
Thank you, to everyone who has followed me and have made such wonderful comments. You make doing all this writing worthwhile. Please bear with me as I'm in this funk. I promise, I'll make it out and I'll be that much better for it.
Love you all,
Deplancy