So I was informed of the death of my friend's 3 year old nephew today. Since I am not the best with addressing my feelings, I figured this was as good of a place as any to vent since nobody sees what I type here. I could not imagine losing a child. I love my kids so much and in such a way that I do not think that I could function properly without one of them. They make me. I care about only their existence and future. Now I have these people around me who are devastated and there's not a damn thing for me to do. I am usually the therapist for everyone around me and part of that is so I do not have to talk about my issues because I hate that. A friend I grew up with recently ended his life at 29 and I still don't know how to feel 5 months later. I get so bitter about life yet I know it's no way to live. I dunno what to feel right now but all that I want to do is go home and hug my kids. I am beside myself and feel overrun but I cannot show it. RIP, Christian. Here's to hoping you are in a better place and that everyone will find peace. I dunno....I just don't know. I feel like I am peering over the edge of a dark place and I don't know how to get away.
