I've recently come upon a pair of intimidating beasts. These beasts have broken through the tough shell of accumulated and condensed chitin of solitude that I've been gathering since my ejection from relatively normal life (see July 19th, 2002). I'll explain the physiology of these two beasts.
The Transmutation
I once had a friend with whom I had a unique relationship. We met when I was 11 and he was 9, the son of my dad's then-girlfriend, and were good friends up until our parents' breakup 7 years later (when seeing eachother became fairly difficult because of location). He was the only friend which which I was able to enjoy my avid interest in filmmaking, and together we made litterally well over 100 movies together, not to mention spending time playing video games, sleeping over, going on bike rides, etc. Having been raised Catholic, and having gone to catholic school all his life, I was understandably more experienced in certain situations. One thing I always silently appreciated was that this friend was someone I could enjoy simple pleasures with...someone who was never involved in what seemed like a more complicated social structure back "home" (my mom's house, where I live). Though we haven't talked to eachother in quite a while, he's still on my AIM Buddy List and I'd imagine that there's still an assumed friendship between us. However, today as I was sifting through people's away messages in boredom, I noticed that his info included a link to some pictures of noteworthy recence in his life. I opened the album the link pointed to and wasn't overly surprised by the events shown in the pictures...it seemed like something I'd expect him to be doing (a trip with some friends). However, it was when I began looking through other albums photographically detailed events in his recent past that I became quite perturbed. The modest and seemingly quiet friend I once knew had become the very portrait of a carefree and clique-vortexed college student. Here was a managerie of photos that litterally left my jaw hanging, showing my friend with long, scruffy hair (in some photos) as opposed to the clean-cut 'do I'd come to know him so well by. Here he was posing with arm adrape over the shoulders of cleavage-bearing college girls, the very stenciled figures I'd seen in countless photo albums across the web. Here he was akimbo with bottles of Yuengling. I saw photos of him passed out from being drunk. With my own eyes, I witnessed him partaking in a beer bong. Indeed, the very neanderthalic thing! Was this the same person that seemed incredulous when I began smoking clove cigarettes at 18? Was this the same person who, for such a long time, had shown no interest in drinking? The first beast had reared it's head...someone I once knew who had become something entirely different...who had become something I quite detested.
The Clockwork Horde
Tonight while talking with a friend online, she mentioned that she thought she knew someone who went to high school in my area. She then gave me a username to lookup on The Facebook. I'm sure some of you must have heard of this "Facebook." However, until this time, I had never heard of it. My immediate online queries revealed information that undermined me something fierce. I'm not going to entertain the thought of explaining how this site (and its seeming outbreak of clone sites) works...you'll have to check it out yourself if you're unfamiliar for some reason, though I imagine anyone in college must have at least heard of it judging by articles on the site's face-backhanding sucess.. However, upon understanding the nature of this recent uprising, I became somewhat awed and dissapointed. Here was a network of people, all becoming increasingly familiar and friendly with eachother. Unlike other online social communities, Facebook is based on geographical foundations and primarily serves to strengthen existing, local communities. I don't think I've made much mention until this point that I have a secret and well subdued longing to get more out of life than I've been experiencing these past couple of years. I was torn on my feelings about this particular finding. One one hand, the "PC-Casual" and clique-like nature of the community left a sour taste in my mouth. However, here was a noteably successful community where people were able to hook up online and then, many times, offline. It seemed like a much stronger method than those I'd become involved with before...but of course, you cannot join the site at all unless you attend a college (and one supported by the site, at that). Being in a state of limbo regarding college, as I am (perhaps more on that another time), it seems that someone like me cannot hope to participate. Once again I'm left to witness the goings-on of life before me without being able to do a thing about it myself.
This post has become long enough...I've had to break it into two parts already because I was too tired last night to finish it. Hopefully I'll be able to post some more thoughts on this soon. It's painfully clear I need some material anyway.
The Transmutation
I once had a friend with whom I had a unique relationship. We met when I was 11 and he was 9, the son of my dad's then-girlfriend, and were good friends up until our parents' breakup 7 years later (when seeing eachother became fairly difficult because of location). He was the only friend which which I was able to enjoy my avid interest in filmmaking, and together we made litterally well over 100 movies together, not to mention spending time playing video games, sleeping over, going on bike rides, etc. Having been raised Catholic, and having gone to catholic school all his life, I was understandably more experienced in certain situations. One thing I always silently appreciated was that this friend was someone I could enjoy simple pleasures with...someone who was never involved in what seemed like a more complicated social structure back "home" (my mom's house, where I live). Though we haven't talked to eachother in quite a while, he's still on my AIM Buddy List and I'd imagine that there's still an assumed friendship between us. However, today as I was sifting through people's away messages in boredom, I noticed that his info included a link to some pictures of noteworthy recence in his life. I opened the album the link pointed to and wasn't overly surprised by the events shown in the pictures...it seemed like something I'd expect him to be doing (a trip with some friends). However, it was when I began looking through other albums photographically detailed events in his recent past that I became quite perturbed. The modest and seemingly quiet friend I once knew had become the very portrait of a carefree and clique-vortexed college student. Here was a managerie of photos that litterally left my jaw hanging, showing my friend with long, scruffy hair (in some photos) as opposed to the clean-cut 'do I'd come to know him so well by. Here he was posing with arm adrape over the shoulders of cleavage-bearing college girls, the very stenciled figures I'd seen in countless photo albums across the web. Here he was akimbo with bottles of Yuengling. I saw photos of him passed out from being drunk. With my own eyes, I witnessed him partaking in a beer bong. Indeed, the very neanderthalic thing! Was this the same person that seemed incredulous when I began smoking clove cigarettes at 18? Was this the same person who, for such a long time, had shown no interest in drinking? The first beast had reared it's head...someone I once knew who had become something entirely different...who had become something I quite detested.
The Clockwork Horde
Tonight while talking with a friend online, she mentioned that she thought she knew someone who went to high school in my area. She then gave me a username to lookup on The Facebook. I'm sure some of you must have heard of this "Facebook." However, until this time, I had never heard of it. My immediate online queries revealed information that undermined me something fierce. I'm not going to entertain the thought of explaining how this site (and its seeming outbreak of clone sites) works...you'll have to check it out yourself if you're unfamiliar for some reason, though I imagine anyone in college must have at least heard of it judging by articles on the site's face-backhanding sucess.. However, upon understanding the nature of this recent uprising, I became somewhat awed and dissapointed. Here was a network of people, all becoming increasingly familiar and friendly with eachother. Unlike other online social communities, Facebook is based on geographical foundations and primarily serves to strengthen existing, local communities. I don't think I've made much mention until this point that I have a secret and well subdued longing to get more out of life than I've been experiencing these past couple of years. I was torn on my feelings about this particular finding. One one hand, the "PC-Casual" and clique-like nature of the community left a sour taste in my mouth. However, here was a noteably successful community where people were able to hook up online and then, many times, offline. It seemed like a much stronger method than those I'd become involved with before...but of course, you cannot join the site at all unless you attend a college (and one supported by the site, at that). Being in a state of limbo regarding college, as I am (perhaps more on that another time), it seems that someone like me cannot hope to participate. Once again I'm left to witness the goings-on of life before me without being able to do a thing about it myself.
This post has become long enough...I've had to break it into two parts already because I was too tired last night to finish it. Hopefully I'll be able to post some more thoughts on this soon. It's painfully clear I need some material anyway.
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hope you have a fantastic day!!