Excerpt from a journal entry from several years ago (June 18th, 2006), that I find completely appropriate:
''...This was followed by listening to Sisters of Mercy and Bauhaus while working my way painfully through more of De Profundis by Oscar Wilde.
That volume is painful to read. For those unfamilliar with it, it is essentialy a very long love letter that he wrote to his lover while he was in prison right before his death. It isn't hard to beleive that in Lord Alfred Douglas, Wilde saw his own distruction. It is a classic display of an addicitive personality- because in reality, one can become addicted to anything, including people. In fact I would say that I find it the easiest addiction to aquire, and probably the most difficult one to shake, as well as possibly being one of the most distructive to the human psyche.
This particular point is often clearly illustrated to me, not just through my own experience but in watching other people suffer over the same thing. This leads to a morbid fancy which is a unpardonable sin if I truly consider myself to be an artist- Love is pathos, a disease like alcoholism, and from which the withdrawl sysmptoms are paticularly foul to behold as they are to expereince. I humbly request a vaccine.
A slight attack of new religion
A taste of clarity
Bless my strength to change direction on this course
Illuminate my dream
of a perfect self-esteem
I finally have a sense of purpose
I've lost my gravity
and nothing will restrain the faith in what I've seen
I feel your breath when I'm out of reach
Lodestar
You're all I want, you'll all I need
When I'm down below
I feel your words when I'm out of speach
Lodestar
Though all is dark,
You're my last remianing glow
I won't decend to face the future
So untouchable for you
I'll stay in here in this world you can't get through
Illuminate my dream
Of a perfect self-esteem
The present void won't be discovered
There's no shinning light
I'm led astray by these spirits in my blood.
I feel your breath when I'm out of reach
Lodestar
You're all I want, you're all I need
When I'm down below
I feel your words when I'm out of speach
Lodestar
Though all is dark
You're my last remaining glow
Why does it feel like I'm made of silver
When everyone else is made of gold?
Why does it feel like an everlasting winter
But no one else can feel the cold?
''...This was followed by listening to Sisters of Mercy and Bauhaus while working my way painfully through more of De Profundis by Oscar Wilde.
That volume is painful to read. For those unfamilliar with it, it is essentialy a very long love letter that he wrote to his lover while he was in prison right before his death. It isn't hard to beleive that in Lord Alfred Douglas, Wilde saw his own distruction. It is a classic display of an addicitive personality- because in reality, one can become addicted to anything, including people. In fact I would say that I find it the easiest addiction to aquire, and probably the most difficult one to shake, as well as possibly being one of the most distructive to the human psyche.
This particular point is often clearly illustrated to me, not just through my own experience but in watching other people suffer over the same thing. This leads to a morbid fancy which is a unpardonable sin if I truly consider myself to be an artist- Love is pathos, a disease like alcoholism, and from which the withdrawl sysmptoms are paticularly foul to behold as they are to expereince. I humbly request a vaccine.
A slight attack of new religion
A taste of clarity
Bless my strength to change direction on this course
Illuminate my dream
of a perfect self-esteem
I finally have a sense of purpose
I've lost my gravity
and nothing will restrain the faith in what I've seen
I feel your breath when I'm out of reach
Lodestar
You're all I want, you'll all I need
When I'm down below
I feel your words when I'm out of speach
Lodestar
Though all is dark,
You're my last remianing glow
I won't decend to face the future
So untouchable for you
I'll stay in here in this world you can't get through
Illuminate my dream
Of a perfect self-esteem
The present void won't be discovered
There's no shinning light
I'm led astray by these spirits in my blood.
I feel your breath when I'm out of reach
Lodestar
You're all I want, you're all I need
When I'm down below
I feel your words when I'm out of speach
Lodestar
Though all is dark
You're my last remaining glow
Why does it feel like I'm made of silver
When everyone else is made of gold?
Why does it feel like an everlasting winter
But no one else can feel the cold?
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
aphexplotz:
Great! you?
aphexplotz:
Thats great, aside from the drama, but what can you do?