I'm feeling retrospective. Which, I might add, is not necessarily a positive thing. Many many things have gone horribly wrong for me in the previous year or so. I have a twelve month concetration of Very Bad Things. It actually began in August of 2004 with the death of my vehicle.
I'll admit that I was rather more attached to such a thing then one should be. It was my first car, I bought it myself, I even taught myself to drive on it. The first time I ever drove to San Francisco by myself was in that car. It was a stick and I was terrified. But it died tragically when it's timing belt snapped without warning on a dirty on-ramp to I-80.
Unfortuantely, I still owed money on it and had no savings. It would have been completely paid off four months from the time it died. So I have a 2002 VW Beetle, which is bright yellow. No amount of Nueroticfish stickers can save it from being yellow. It was the only stick shift on the lot.
Then my dog, which I had had since I was ten years old passed away, and her body was donated to science at UC Davis.
In march I quit my resturant job to work for a porn store, as I was going to start cosmetology school and needed a night job. I was maybe a month into schooling when the owner hired a new manager who then proceeded to fire everyone.
I was unemployed for nearly two months, while struggling to deal with one-hundred-fifty catty seventeen year old girls all managed by a forty-three year old pervert. My body piercings freaked most of them out. When I came in to the salon to get my hair done for the SG Prom my corset piercing freaked them out even more. No one spoke to me much. I kind of liked it that way.
Finally I got my job at Sephora. Suddenly my fellow student thought I was pretty cool, and could I get them free makeup? Ha. I had started to get my life put back together after being completely broke when one of the worst things that could happen did happen.
My little sister died. She died in an incredibly stupid and random manner. She did not die in an accident, she died of neglect. My sister was mentally and physicaly disabled and had to live in a group care home. Technically, she died of strep throat, but I think her body just gave up after years and years of self-hatred. My sister had found god in the last year of her life so I hope for her sake that she was right.
I will be having her birthday and deathday tattooed on my hip as a barcode. My appointment is April 6th. It matches up with my only other tattoo: Deae ex Machina. I often feel like a automaton plodding about from one obligation to the next.
So yes, many bad things happened last year. I'm horribly deep in credit card debt, I can't afford to live on my own because I still have a car payment, and I have to walk past my sister's old room everytime I need to go downstairs.
I really really want to move away from this town. Here's to hoping 2006 is better.
I'll admit that I was rather more attached to such a thing then one should be. It was my first car, I bought it myself, I even taught myself to drive on it. The first time I ever drove to San Francisco by myself was in that car. It was a stick and I was terrified. But it died tragically when it's timing belt snapped without warning on a dirty on-ramp to I-80.
Unfortuantely, I still owed money on it and had no savings. It would have been completely paid off four months from the time it died. So I have a 2002 VW Beetle, which is bright yellow. No amount of Nueroticfish stickers can save it from being yellow. It was the only stick shift on the lot.
Then my dog, which I had had since I was ten years old passed away, and her body was donated to science at UC Davis.
In march I quit my resturant job to work for a porn store, as I was going to start cosmetology school and needed a night job. I was maybe a month into schooling when the owner hired a new manager who then proceeded to fire everyone.
I was unemployed for nearly two months, while struggling to deal with one-hundred-fifty catty seventeen year old girls all managed by a forty-three year old pervert. My body piercings freaked most of them out. When I came in to the salon to get my hair done for the SG Prom my corset piercing freaked them out even more. No one spoke to me much. I kind of liked it that way.
Finally I got my job at Sephora. Suddenly my fellow student thought I was pretty cool, and could I get them free makeup? Ha. I had started to get my life put back together after being completely broke when one of the worst things that could happen did happen.
My little sister died. She died in an incredibly stupid and random manner. She did not die in an accident, she died of neglect. My sister was mentally and physicaly disabled and had to live in a group care home. Technically, she died of strep throat, but I think her body just gave up after years and years of self-hatred. My sister had found god in the last year of her life so I hope for her sake that she was right.
I will be having her birthday and deathday tattooed on my hip as a barcode. My appointment is April 6th. It matches up with my only other tattoo: Deae ex Machina. I often feel like a automaton plodding about from one obligation to the next.
So yes, many bad things happened last year. I'm horribly deep in credit card debt, I can't afford to live on my own because I still have a car payment, and I have to walk past my sister's old room everytime I need to go downstairs.
I really really want to move away from this town. Here's to hoping 2006 is better.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
monsterjoe:
Keep fighting. Don't let 'em win.
catagogo:
with everything you've gone through, 2006 better be amazing or i will beat it up. 