demigauge

as it gets closer to thursday the less leep i get and the more nervous i get...blargh
i realy don't want to go through with it..i'm hearing al sorts of stories...ones where they knock you out..then ones where your awake and it really hurts... AAAAAAAAA
i don't want to go *pouts*

man what if it turns out what i have has turn into cancer... ..what then ..cause i can't go for treatment i don't have the money or insurance..i would just have to die...or just end it with a bottle of pills...cause there is no fucking way i am dying like an imbocile that can't pee or shit on their own...FUCK NO!
i want to go out strong and still looking like myself...
or
there could be nothing wrong..hopefully ..but with my luck something will be bad...

i wonder sometimes if i am god's cruel amusemnet..cause i really have had nothing but bad luck most of my life...sure i have found some good things..but sometiems the bad out weighs the good...i am just the unknowing jester of the universal court

*takes a bow and dies*