delstrange

My long distance girlfriend of five years broke up with me, largely in part to having met someone else. Someone she's with right now. It's two weeks until Christmas. I had planned to spend the holidays with her. I have presents here that I'd bought for her. To make matters even worse, my best friend (I should say my other best friend since she was my best friend too), is visiting her at the moment. He's the person that I would have confided in and gotten this off my chest with but I can't even do that now because he's there spending time with her. Even after he returns I don't know that I'll be able to talk to him all that much because he and my ....ex-girlfriend are so close. I can't think of him without thinking of her. Can't talk to him without knowing he's been talking to her, spending time with her. And that just makes it worse.

She still wants us to be friends. I do too. I don't want animosity between us. I don't want us to drift apart entirely because, as I said, she wasn't just a girlfriend, she was my best friend. But she's angry because right now I can't just act as though nothing has happened. How do I talk to her on the phone when I know the happiness in her voice will be because of this new guy? How do I look at her photos and see her smiling at someone else the way she used to smile at me? I can't. Not now. And probably not for a long time to come.

So it's winter. It's cold as hell outside, wind howling, snow on the ground. And I've still got to get through Christmas and New Year's. Spring can't get here soon enough.