delores

of course he didn't come by. no surprises there.

i went out with Kristin to see her friend's play some accustic sets at Holga's, an art gallery in downtown Phoenix.

i've been there before with my ex for First Fridays a couple of times...bleh. he'd be so jealous because two of Kristin's friends from high school are living in the ajoining apartment building. heh.

well, Kristin convinced me to try and make myself look decent, that maybe i'd feel better that way, and maybe it'd keep me from crying if i wore make up.
well at first it did...but i did start crying a few times but was able to stop it.
the chairs hurt my ass like crazy, and i had to pee most of the time. i wasn't comfortable around these people either. the pretentious drama club, hipster types...ugh.
afterwards, she was talking to some of them outside and i was kind of standing off to the side in a shadow. her friend John tells me he likes my shirt (my black SG tank), i cant answer at first as i was crying and i didn't want anyone to know...i take a moment and quietly say thanks.
kristin looks at me and says "she's naked on there, you know"
and if looks could kill, the one i gave her would have...
i dont really care, but i like to decide who knows...she's like "who cares, it's a public site anyway"..."um, no it's not...you have to pay for it...that's not public."... John says "i dont have to pay for any thing. hahaha" i dont know what he meant by that...hopefully not that he's going to try and find me or something. eww.
how she said it sounded like she meant i was SG. sure they can think that all they fuckin' want. makes me look better anyway i guess.

i'm not feeling any better at all. i'm just babbling to take up time.
i had no ride to work today and didn't feel like fighting with my mom for her to ask one of her friends so i just called in.
i'm not in any place to deal with people anyway.

we went to TGI Friday's after the show and i had one drink. i wish i could have afforded more.

i sent him an IM a little while ago, telling him that i was home for the day if he wanted to stop by... no reply at all.
i want to see him very badly, even though i know it's only going to make me feel worse.

i just wish i had someone to hug me while i cry and tell me that they love me and they never want to let me go.