delores

i feel like i'm being punished for something, and i dont even know what for. that's got to be one of the worst feelings in the world. i hate being confused or left in the dark. it makes me feel like shit. i've felt like shit for the past five days, cause i have no idea what's going on. this is the first day i've had to breathe in over a week. all last week i was stressing out a lot because my mom almost lost our fucking house, i had to help w/ that. then as soon as that was ok, i had to work all weekend. we had a huge sale on, and people we crazed and i wanted to scream. it would have been nice to get a little comfort from my boy on those days, but he wouldn't answer his phone or return my calls. that just made it all worse. i worked last night, and i was all fucked up cause i talked to him briefly online, but i had to go to work, and didn't really get a full explanation, and it was left up in the air, badly. so i was near tears all night, and also got lots of bitchy customers. bleh. so i have the next couple of days off, i have to go to the doctor twice at some point soon. i have an infection and i need some drugs for that. and i need to get my next birth control shot real soon, before the 12th. i also need to call the bartending school and bumb back the date when i start classes. i'm scheduled to start on the 9th, but that's not going to work cause i dont have a ride and my brother hasn't started school yet, he will on the 12th though. when he does i'll actually be able to get some shit, that i said i'd do, done. right now, he is my first and foremost responsibility.
i'm having more period-y symptoms cause i need to get my birth control shot. i'm cramping, and really really heavy spotting. it's gross.
me and my mom have been getting along really good lately, which is strange, but nice.
someone at work (who should be signing up for suicide girls soon, heh) offered to take me to work after my brother goes back to school, so i could get longer hours which would help. i'm making $6.90/hr, which isn't that bad, and if i could only get more hours i'd be set. so he offered to help me on days he could, which i might take up.
sometimes when i get really stressed at work, i can take a break and call roland and he'll talk to me and cheer me up some. i could have really used that this weekend. i really really miss him.