delores

barely a week has gone by, and he's already looking at other girls? he's already looking for the "one"? he told me I was "the one". a couple of minutes ago, i saw him online, and tried to IM him, but a few moments after i did, he signed off. i guess now i really see that he has stopped caring about me...rather quickly i might add. now i'm in tears, trying not to sob too loudly, so my mom doesn't hear. i miss him so badly, i cry myself to sleep just about every night.
i got into a huge fight w/ my mom on friday night. she was slapping me and at one point she was sitting on me and clawing my face. and alls i could think of was how much i wanted roland, how much i wished he'd answer his phone and save me..but even if i could have gotten to a phone i'm sure he wouldn't have answered. it was so bad that i tried to cut myself for like half an hour. half from my mom, half from roland. i'm too much of a wimp though, i barely drew blood, i have a few scratches on my left wrist...that's it. i feel like i'm back in jr high, for christ's sake.
on another note, i got a bunch of hair cut off on friday also, i'm still getting used to it, but i think i like it.
i was watching American Histroy X on tv this evening, and it was making me sick ot my stomach, i had to turn it off.
well i guess i'm off to cry myself to sleep.