delores

i havent heard from the boy since thursday afternoon and its getting me down.
i know he had plans to hang out with an old friend on friday night, so i didnt really expect to hear from him then...but not a word all weekend.
we'd just had such a nice evening on wendsday, great day on thursday before he went to class that it seems really odd. i'm freaking out a little bit.
from his myspace i can tell he hasnt even signed on since thursday sometime...i know i'm freaking out over nothing...
oh! ha! and my former fuck buddy called me last night! from that bastard's myspace i thought he was in another relationship that he didnt tell me about so i wrote him off and decided that i was done with this bullshit cause he'll never want more than sex, and i do, so i'm not wasting my time on him anymore.
low and behold, as soon as i have prospects for something new, he fucking calls up!
i of course tell him no cause i'm sort of seeing someone...then he suggest just hanging out and maybe shooting a set...
taking pictures was always our foreplay, so i dont know how that'll work, and i want to run it by Chris first...its hard when i cant get a hold of him. i figure it's an excellent way to see where this is going...i sort of dont even want to hang out with the old fuck buddy. i got over him pretty quickly once i decided i was over it...
reassurance please!

........................edit.................................
watching Rent on dvd.
i always, always, always loose it toward the end of Out Tonight, when she sings the lines "let's find a bar, so dark we forget who we are. where all the scars from the nevers and maybes DIE!!"
i typically sing along when i watch the movie and at that point in the song i get so choked up i cant sing....more than in any other part of the film. i guess its the part i relate to most. wanting to let go of all the rejection you've faced.


i decided last chistmas that i was going to get the lines
Theres only us
Theres only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No Day but today
tattooed on me somewhere
cant wait to have money