Growing up, my parents weren't exactly affectionate, I knew they loved me and my siblings but their love wasn't overbearing which resulted in me not being comfortable with affection towards people. It took me awhile to even hug random strangers even hugging my friends and family was weird to me, till this day, I dont do hugs. Hah. In my love life, or lack of, I've only dated and been with two guys; one of which im still seeing, I still feel like that shy little girl when it comes to affection. Its strange, the guy im seeing, on our first "date" I jumped his gun as soon as his bedroom door closed but it took me 7-8 months into our relationship to gather the courage to hold his hand in public ! Ridiculous, I know. Even when I got the guts to ask him if I could; I asked him in the dark when we were about to sleep so he couldn't see my face, I couldn't even grasp his hands when we finally went out... He had to grab my hand. I felt my face flush; it made me really happy. Corny, i know... Haha. I guess what im trying to get at is, im still such a stranger to affection that it baffles me that someone actually wants me around let alone wanting me to be with them. It's so bad that im constantly questioning him why im still around and what exactly is it that he likes about me. I hate myself for always asking but it seems my inexperience self doesn't seem to grasp that this man that has put up with my bullshit for almost 2 years and im still around. Im very lucky I found such a patient person to deal with me. I hate this anxiety of mine. Lately, I been doing the 'take a deep breath and shut up' technique. Its not helping so much. I just need to constantly remind myself that he does want me around and to push down my self esteem anxiety. Wish me luck?
Good luck with it all babe :-)