deliria

I'm looking at myself in the mirrorand i see somebody who has the same eyes of the girl i was 5 or 6 years ago,only more tired.

I see the same black hole of vengeances and pupils tired of a weight that i can't recognize.Yet.

What i did to deserve this?

"If i touch here?"

It hurts.

"what's in here?What's in it?Remember."

Memories.

"Which memories?"

All of them.

"Which ones?"

All of our memories.

I stand up,i'm going to the bathroom and i keep watching my reflection on the mirror.I close my eyes and i spit blood on the sink .

If u were here now,if u were here with me,you would only hear music in my flat, i turn up the volume and i wish i could turn down the poisoneous dirt in my brain as easily as i do with the stereo . The dirt of the dream i did last nght,the dirt of the last 3000 days,the dirt all around me and inside me.

The.Dirt.That.He.Left.Me.inside.

Meanwhile,outside it rains so heavily.

It rains dogs and cats and it rains everywhere..
This city of a thousand alternatives,but all of them sick,heavy,painful.
A city dedicated to the unforgiven and the outsiders who can't bear to look at the sky above. Generations of perfect robots.

Poor little guys.Night like this are al for you.Big Empty is for you.
Your weight is my weight.But you don't have any faults. You and your black shirt with your bad bands,you put it on on saturday and you take it off for going to work on monday. You take drugs on friday night ad you live the rest of the week like ubidient little sheeps .

I miss everything.

I miss what i was before eveything went blank on me.

But i have no one to blame except myself.I wanted a soulmate so hard that i forgot what would it be the price for that.

Everything has a price to pay,and i always paid what i had to.

My cats are sleeping near me,they are so beautiful i wish i could be one of them ,even if only for one night.

I wouldn't be sad or scared then,only free.

I alway said that i wanted to be free,that this is the most important thing..but somewhere along the road i forgot that too,and the black rider took me with him and the worst thing is that i let him do it without a fight because i was so in awe of him and his wild rides.

I thought i was in control.

I thought that i was stronger.

I thought that i was above anything.

I thought that it was a fair price,that i would be beautiful and wild.

But i'm forgetting the way back home.