delilahjack

Hmm well, what do I tell you? Unless youre one of the rare breed of humans that can listen to advice, its not much point me writing anything.
In fear of making me sound antagonistic, you are all wrong. I regularly find myself on the border between sanity and the insane, how I find myself there I cant accurately explain, all I know is that I find myself looking at inanimate objects and attribute it to something, mostly a feeling which is unsettling like I dont belong there. It affects the way I interact with people, either Im anti-social and wish to avoid even talking to people, and the next I crave the interaction we have craved since the day we were born.
Beginning a career in psychology therefore seems natural, whilst pointing out other peoples failures; I can find the ones within myself. The rule that most people who commit suicide through the counselling process are the psychologists themselves is very relevant; will such a path be one of self destruction? For me possibly, and it leads me to question my motives, apart from the selfish pursuits to better understand myself. If I was a philanthropist, I might possibly say that I was doing it for the good of mankind, but often now, at so young an age I find myself cynical of the life which I lead and the ones around me. Why then must I devote myself to a cause that is neither redeeming, or to simplify the matter to religious reasons, I am going against Gods work. Some are born, some are made, but to alter is in some ways disrespectful to the word of God. I dont even know if Im religious in the traditional sense of the word. Ill sit in the dark, and try not to ponder on a clich around since the beginning of religion. But what I will ask, if that life is the means to an end, and the blackness that then engulfs us is complete, what can the possible motive of our existence be?