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I've decided to abandon everything I believe in and try the complete opposite for a while: extreme christianity, eating lots and lots of meat, being attracted to non-artists, not judging anyone. I've actually been doing it for this past week, and surprisingly enough, I've been a lot happier with myself.

Not like you care.

Can one only come into beauty through intense suffering?
articulus:
isn't suffering what the dharma is all about?

aimee ault, quite a familiar name. seems like i should have met you at some point, but sadly, many of my pacific memories are dim. katie's a heckuva girl; we sort of fell out when i started seeing adele - talk about drama! - but i've always liked her. one of the best writers i've ever known. tell her hi for me if you're in touch with her.

and good luck with the christian extremism! in a parallel universe, i'm a militant buddhist.
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I had one of the most interesting moments this past week. I was sitting around with a bunch of accountants listening to their conversations about floor plans for their condos in the suburbs, and I realized: "hey, someday I want that."

Random Interjection:

I just obsessively cleaned my room. Last year, my roommate would get so pissed when I would come home at midnight and...
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ninjagrrl:
Dude, whatever you figure yourself out to be, you are still beautiful. For serious.

Last night, the ol'man and a friend and I spent a good four hours into the night discussing art and conciousness and sensory overload. It was so amazing, to sit on my porch and smoke and talk with people who love art. I wish you were there.

(^ ^) ng
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Have you ever reached a zen like state?

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articulus:
i used to get it skiing... i go to a meditation center every other week but it's not the same. weird

i began my college career at pacific in '97, came and went until '01 and have ended up now at humboldt state as a journalism major. something pacific wasn't totally suited for. great place though, loved my prof's and the many illustrious bars that the grove has to offer. were you there as well?
articulus:
mmm, yes. montane environments, i dig. i was born in butte, MT! not the prettiest hill on earth, but my stomping grounds were further west, in philipsburg. i still go visit my grandpa there every chance i have.

you could have known me? i toyed with creative writing myself for a bit. let's see... katie mccleary was a c/w major, among others...i dated her my freshman year. cool chick. adele groat would have been in your class, she was my g/f for 3 years. sara thornton was also in your year, she and i have been good friends for quite a while.

pacific is a tiny community, i'm sure if we didn't meet we knew a lot of the same people. i was trying to look at your pics up there to see if i recognize anyone, but they're too small! my name's mike miller if it rings any bells.
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"Everybody, grab a body, pump it like you know somebody."

I promised myself I would not become giddy again. That I wouldn't have the smile that's as wide as the state of Montana. Unfortuantely, I am a slave to crushes.

Everyone can tell when I like a new boy. It's a curse. One day, I'll be able to not have feelings.

Tuesday, 6:25pm, news break:...
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rexphantom:
My current project is to make a mix cd for my crush. Awww, I'm wicked excited. About all sorts of stuff, you dig?
ninjagrrl:
ooh, ooh! He is e-mailing you now?!!

I am picturing that crush-induced face I am so familiar with...(^ ^)

Sorry to be slow with the pics, I am slow myself.

Wait, did you say wooing? Goooooooooo GIRL!

\(^ ^)/NG
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I drove 1200 miles this weekend for one party. I saw old friends, such as, ninjagrrl. I realized that I am past my career as an undergraduate, that I can move on and away. I said goodbye to the only boy I would have ever married when I realized the spark is gone between us. I said good luck to the person that influenced...
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ninjagrrl:
Heya, I have some gorgeous pics of you that I will scan and send.

I remember walking around smoking the cloves. You were so proud to be part of my first smoking experience. A month or so later I bought my first pack of Camels...crazy.
You were silly wasted that night.

Saw that you changed your crush...hee hee, he was cute and super forward.

(^ ^) ng
rexphantom:
You gots to gimme the 4-1-1 on your weekend. Before, you know, you're IN MY HOUSE.
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Just a general comment:

Why the hell are hoodies so expensive? I went to go check out some new ones today, seeing as the one I have now has magical shrinking arms, and they all cost more than thirty fucking dollars (and that's on sale).

Piss.
ninjagrrl:
Hello foxy lady!

Hellos and kisses to my beautiful, budgeoning lesbian, favorite Virgina Wolfe fan!

(^ ^) ng
(that crazy girl who never writes you)
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It is possible that I will come across a person that I haven't seen in four years this weekend. A person that wouldn't let me live until I was with them completely. A person that hurt me in every way imaginable without doing anything.

It is certain that I will see the "love of my life from last year" this weekend too. They are different;...
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rexphantom:
I dug out a shirt to wear to work that I hadn't worn in a long time. I was buttoning it up and I looked down to find a long curly hair stuck to it. It was Sharon's.

I've been in a foul mood ever since then.
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I saw him today.

I've been anticipating his arrival for a week now. He only came today, ten minutes early. Wasn't what I was expecting. Better. The smile was what got me. The smile and the fact that he was a "man."

Too bad I wasn't there. Too bad I tried to help, but had to keep a distance for the fear of being crushed....
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Destruction

Snow falls weightless
Only when the wind screams.
Remember this when
Ravens fall from the sky,
Yawning as they hit the ground.
rexphantom:
I'm pretty much sold on the story. After seeing a picture of a calcified fetus today, I'm convinced all sorts of screwy things can happen in that uterus of yours.
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Everything has been mediocre. I have tried to spice things up, to try new things, but everything still is dull. The irony of my life consists of piss in a lab cup.

It was good.
oninotaki:
Dont give up yet, what you need to do is just sit down and go ok what do I need to do in my life. Once you know what needs to be done in your life(keep in mind I mean what really needs to be done) Do It. I have found that by doing what needs to be done in my life interesting things tend to just show up for the ride smile
rexphantom:
Try giving more high fives.

edit: I mean handjobs.

[Edited on May 02, 2003]