so i had this really incredibly horrible nightmare last night...it was about the apocalypse coming, and the harbinger of the apocalypse was this giant, sky-filling, gray, fleshy, living spider web creature with eyeballs all in it, and a giant man's face with lion teeth in the center, and it flew through the sky and landed on a telephone post in my backyard and announced the apocalypse was coming. and it was the biblical apocalypse, so it was all really horrifying with this terrific sense of doom. and i remember thinking "oh crap, i was wrong all this time! everything really is black-and-white, right and wrong, no gray areas, and god is this wrathful, angry god that's gonna smite me and i'm gonna go to hell!" and i've never been able to depict heaven in my own mind to my satisfaction, but i have a pretty vivid idea of hell, thanks to my southern baptist upbringing.
in the end, it was like i was seperated from the rest of the world and i was all alone and couldn't find anyone else, if there was anyone else, and the earth itself became this giant stone system of labyriths, one above ground and one below, and i was trapped in the underground one, but somehow i knew the sky was red. i can't remember what happened next, but needles to say, i was quite relieved when i woke up.
the whole thing made me think about religion and started me evaluating my position for the first time in a long while. after trying out several different religions and researching the main ones and some less widely known, i came to the conclusion that organized religion isn't for me, that i do believe in something, though i have a hard time slapping names and labels on it. for the last few years, i've been content with my little spirituality, i guess you call it, convinced that it was the right choice for me personally; but then, what if i'm wrong? what if god is exactly like how the baptists told me as a child? that he's angry and just waiting for me to foul up so he can crush me under his almighty thumb? and what if i really am being mislead by satan into thinking i've found an elightenment i'm happy with, when instead i'm being lead straight to hell? but even as i thought this, i didn't really believe it. i guess ultimately i believe that people have the ability to control their own destinies, but you can't do any better than what you know at the time, and i imagine god, if there is one, would understand this. god, talking about my spiritual beliefs on suicide girls, aren't i a hoot? i guess that stupid dream just spooked me because i thought "what if it's prophetic? because people used to have dreams and shit like that all the time in the bible to communicate with god." but now that i think about it, i have the weirdest, craziest dreams of anyone i know, and never once have my dreams about talking cats with egg children or my friend's stepmom washing my hair for me in a 50's dinner while i watch a puppet show about being gay turned out to be premonitions in any way, so it was probably just the fact that i ate pizza before bed and was thinking about death a lot.
in the end, it was like i was seperated from the rest of the world and i was all alone and couldn't find anyone else, if there was anyone else, and the earth itself became this giant stone system of labyriths, one above ground and one below, and i was trapped in the underground one, but somehow i knew the sky was red. i can't remember what happened next, but needles to say, i was quite relieved when i woke up.
the whole thing made me think about religion and started me evaluating my position for the first time in a long while. after trying out several different religions and researching the main ones and some less widely known, i came to the conclusion that organized religion isn't for me, that i do believe in something, though i have a hard time slapping names and labels on it. for the last few years, i've been content with my little spirituality, i guess you call it, convinced that it was the right choice for me personally; but then, what if i'm wrong? what if god is exactly like how the baptists told me as a child? that he's angry and just waiting for me to foul up so he can crush me under his almighty thumb? and what if i really am being mislead by satan into thinking i've found an elightenment i'm happy with, when instead i'm being lead straight to hell? but even as i thought this, i didn't really believe it. i guess ultimately i believe that people have the ability to control their own destinies, but you can't do any better than what you know at the time, and i imagine god, if there is one, would understand this. god, talking about my spiritual beliefs on suicide girls, aren't i a hoot? i guess that stupid dream just spooked me because i thought "what if it's prophetic? because people used to have dreams and shit like that all the time in the bible to communicate with god." but now that i think about it, i have the weirdest, craziest dreams of anyone i know, and never once have my dreams about talking cats with egg children or my friend's stepmom washing my hair for me in a 50's dinner while i watch a puppet show about being gay turned out to be premonitions in any way, so it was probably just the fact that i ate pizza before bed and was thinking about death a lot.
meet me in the nightmare and we'll KICK ITS ASS
your so cute