deflicted

ever felt like a prisoner in ""your own home"" ..... well who's ready for a little story i posted this last night ......

so i got dumped on halloween night i was a very shitty night alltogether but the funny part was is that we went out and won 3rd place in a costume contest we won twenty bucks dressed as batman and robin. anyways

my gf dumped it was really messy and it was a resukt of drinking having a shitty night me ""peeing on her leg"" one minute and not doing it the next i was about to at least say something to this one dude that was hitting on her and she was less than like 6 six feet awat from me and i wanted to fucking kill this asshole. this other mother fucker started asking me some fucked up questions like would it be okay to dressup like a kkk member on halloween and i wanted to kill that son of a bitch but just left it alone and took the high road

anyways we were out with our friends and they got into a fight and for some fucking reason she took it all personal and acted like her life was over and started freaking out cause they were fighting and she was spilting up their marriage and her life is all fucked up and blah blah... anyways shes starts walking back to thier house from the bar cause they drove and our cars and her kids were there and i have to tell my friend hey just go home and i start chasing after her cause i know what kinda of fucked up people are out there and its like ten miles home so we are waking home and my friend pulls up and they all exchange shit and continue fighting and we get back to there house only for not everyone to not go to bed but for her to want to go home and get here kids in the car with her drunk as fuck and drive home so i was not going to let that happen so i took her keys and hid them and she starts getting all up in my face yelling screaming and pushing me and thne starts trying to bash my car so i leave with her keys ignore the constant yelling and then more crying phone calls and texts msgs about how she hates me dont do this to her and gonna call the cops on me and what not so i go into hiding and i have had the luck of the irish with dui and waht not till no cause i crashed my car in a ditch and walked away the cops got me lata so offically when i beat this that will work out to my advantage as i went back and turned myself in

so anyways i did the whole jail thing again not fun ......... anyways long story short i think im getting all weak in the knees again and call her and she's gonna be all ooo oo take me back or ill take u back or whatever ..... but the fact is is i am getting sick and tired of the shit im sick and tired of the fighting i never ever fought with any of my past gfs and would still have really good realationships with most of them if it werent for her

so i am feeling really shitty right now not having the most awesome thoughts for myself rite now i just wanna sleep for like a month or a really long time and maybe not wake up i just want less stress and i shouldnt have much 98 percent of it is her and im just sick and tired and sore from the accident and the hand cuffs and i feel like their all trying to kill me or destroy me or im just gonna be alone and no one will ever love me ever again and i know its all this and or i feel like throwing my own pity party plus i have legal issues now and bond stuff to do blah blah

but u know im a nice guy i know i finish last but the does not mean that everybody have o treat me like shit or destroy me u know dammit i dont hurt anybody im just trying to scratch out a meager little existantance in this world and it feels like i cant even do that right cause i know nobody is goin to remember me when im gone so i just need to go to that retirement planet that prof fainsworth went to lol
im suprised i could be funny and all boohoo at the same time
so thats all i got for now just getting all weak and waiting to see who will cave first ..... hope it wont be me

so any advice comments concerns .......