So my life has changed in so many ways in the matter of a few short weeks, and I am still trying to understand it and work on changing my life to fit this forced "new me" so to say.
I fell ill a few weeks ago, we thought it was one thing, but when "it" would not stop, I was put into the hospital. After days and days of hanging out with asshole nurses and really sick old ladies who cried all night, which made me feel even worse, they finally came up with the answers. Or some answers I should say.
So I have had to make some major changes in my life. One being that for the rest of my life, I must be medicated, which always sucks. And I can no longer drink. This is hard too, not that I am a lush or anything, but I really do enjoy having drinks with friends. Alot of what we do involes drinking, so now I have to find a new way of doing things. It's also hard because I KNOW what will happen if I do happen to have a drink, and to me, at this point of it all being so new, I feel angry, like its so unfair.
I guess you could say that I am a bit depressed in this moment. Life just changes with out my permission and it pisses me off cuz it is out of my contol.
Also, what really upsets me and scares me is that because of this new little "illness" I am not sure that I will be able to really work, doing what I love, being an EMT, driving an ambulance ever again. I guess only time will tell, but the fear of not knowing tears me up because if I can't work as an EMT again, I will be destroyed...
I have to learn to live this "new life" I was so forcefully handed and be ok with it. I can do this, I just need all the rules and guidlines first.
I fell ill a few weeks ago, we thought it was one thing, but when "it" would not stop, I was put into the hospital. After days and days of hanging out with asshole nurses and really sick old ladies who cried all night, which made me feel even worse, they finally came up with the answers. Or some answers I should say.
So I have had to make some major changes in my life. One being that for the rest of my life, I must be medicated, which always sucks. And I can no longer drink. This is hard too, not that I am a lush or anything, but I really do enjoy having drinks with friends. Alot of what we do involes drinking, so now I have to find a new way of doing things. It's also hard because I KNOW what will happen if I do happen to have a drink, and to me, at this point of it all being so new, I feel angry, like its so unfair.
I guess you could say that I am a bit depressed in this moment. Life just changes with out my permission and it pisses me off cuz it is out of my contol.
Also, what really upsets me and scares me is that because of this new little "illness" I am not sure that I will be able to really work, doing what I love, being an EMT, driving an ambulance ever again. I guess only time will tell, but the fear of not knowing tears me up because if I can't work as an EMT again, I will be destroyed...
I have to learn to live this "new life" I was so forcefully handed and be ok with it. I can do this, I just need all the rules and guidlines first.
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Anyway, to keep it short and simple, I am better!!!!! with meds of course, but hey, they made them for a reason eh!!!! hahahaha.....
On I shall go.........................................