It hit me like a bullet
Fast and painfully.
I saw a picture of you today.
That brought tears to my eyes.
Why do I look?
Why do I put myself through this.
I shouldn't care
Why you could replace me
So quickly.
I try to hate you.
I try to scream.
I try to force my head to forget you.
A first,
A last.
A heartbreak.
You hurt me.
Now I've hurt you.
Stab in the back
Stab in the pride.
Stab to the love.
I foolishly granted
For you to have.
A piece of me.
Like a little rock
To keep you safe.
A kiss farewell
For a safe journey
Away from my hands.
Wishing for the best.
For the both of us.
I'm okay with not meant to be
I'm okay without you.
But your eyes make me
Travel back a page or two.
Back to the beginning
Of the story of us.
I can remember your smell
I remember your taste.
That danced upon my tongue.
I remember the feel of your touch.
Doing what I often do
Tracing lines and maps.
To remember where I'd been.
Because I always had known
It would eventually end.
I hate you
I spite you
I pray for you
I cried for you.
I swooned for you.
I lusted for you.
And now
I want nothing
Of you at all.
Leave our memories.
At the door.
The same door.
You chose to walk out of.
Away from us
And unconditioned understanding.
Run,
No stay.
Simply deal.
Why is goodbye so hard to say?
Let the last petal fall.
Flowers are on their way.
From under the snow soaked soil.
Ever more vibrant and beautiful
Than ever before.
I'm always
On the verge of
A final farewell.
I fear the hurt
You could inflict
On me
Because of the void
The lack of your presence
Might leave in my life.
I'll bless you
Asking you to understand
To love me in spite
Of my fearful, selfish actions
AND
Before you'd ever know it
I'd be gone.
Big sky sun.
Big bear fun.
Family ties.
Proud alibis.
Yet you are a reason
I don't want to go home.
A circle.
That should have never ended.
Negative feud
Started by a fire
Fanned out by air.
And drenched by droplets of love.
Earth so scarred
And left to renew itself again.
A new life
Is what has been promised to me
By my doubtful
Hurt heart and mind.
You are apart of my soul.
You'll never go away.
Can the distance not diminish
What it is that you've done for me.
Never forget me.
As you'll never be
But a thought away.
Find me next time.
I beg.
To feel your arms
Around me again.
When we've all lived
We've all learned
What we mean
To each other's lives.
Don't let me get to far.
I'm running.
Fast, and into darkness.
There is no you
And a part of me is gone.
Given to you
For all eternity
Like bread crumbs
In modest hope
You'd come around
Back to my honest soul.
And my Unconditional love.
Perfect Love,
Perfect Trust,
Of sound mind
Sound heart.
A piece of me.
Now and always
Blessed be.