deerailed

Fresno. Ugh.

My g-ma's house got flooded because of a water pressure issue, and the repairs were extensive (new carpets, floors, toilets, etc).

I know. Riveting info, right?

Hit me up... I'll be online all day...

Work is very difficult, and I get the sense the other developers don't quite respect me. Other than being the youngest, I'm also the second person in the company without a degree... the other guy worked for the military (thats his excuse)

Ehhh, whateva'... even if I got canned at this point, it still woulda been worth the training I've already completed.

I'mma go zone...
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The usual... werkin' early, hour commute, kickin' back and drinkin' beers when I get home, watchin Adult Swim, sittin' on here, etc... Had a really wierd dream (?)

As I went to bed last night, I lay i the dark listening to the first track off Thursday's "Full Collapse" on repeat till I drifted off...

Suddenly, jolted outta sleep by my mp3 player going fucking...
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Woke up this morning with a need to embrace my digital life... resuscitated my mp3 player, and had bought some Thursday last night to rip onto it... and some badass headphones. I'mma spend all day working with computers, listening to music, and driving to random places for stupid reasons (like going to Switzerland for chocolate... ya know...)

piece.

Sometimes, one can't help but be incredibly lonely. It now becomes painfully apparent that most of my "friends" are only aquaintences, and that I have no real friends left. This is what emotions have done for me.

This is where my new job keeps me from wallowing in self pity. Too busy during the week to think about anything other than my work.

This is...
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When your very busy, sometimes its possible to forget personal drama. Fortunatly for me, despite the fact that my social life has officially gone down the shitter, I'm more than busy enough to not care.
My new job has me programming a web system in a manner I never even imagined possible, in a language I've never laid my hands on. The key difference between...
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Posh put up a new set! YAY!

My new job is REALLY FUCKING HARD! BOO!

The more time I'm at Vertigo, the more I am convinced that these are the kinda guys that, if the world really was like 'The Matrix', they'd ALL be Neo.
Their code, immaculate. Their technique, hard to even comprehend without extensive training. I feel meek, as I watch whatever mastery...
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New job. Very scary... thepeople there are the kinda guys you saw in high school, the ones from some country in Asia that are very quiet, have a thick accent, and can solve a rubiks cube in under 40 seconds. The management staff and the whole professionalism thing is somewhat unnerving, as they had me sign a confidentiality oath that requires me not to speak...
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Should have went to Fresno this weekend... at least there I would lose the drama and have some form of companionship...

I've let illogical feelings control my actions, and because of them, have probably lost both my best friends... One of which has an easy replacement for the position. Whatever... I brought it about myself, therefore I have no reason to complain... right?

anyway, enough...
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I start my new job on monday... Today was my last day in the hell that is RDA's network operations.

However, I am not excited about my new job in the way of "hey, I'm movin' up in the world!", as much as I'm anxious in the manner of "long commute, extremely serious and difficult tasks... this could be the wrong descision"...

I guess time...
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So much stress... so much crap. Fuck I'm tired of being sad.

I've got to find something to live for, because life has no flavor without purpose.

I'm a douche. So quick to burn bridges, to run away from shit that I fail to realize the damage words can cause...

At this point, I'd deserve any crap that floats my way....


fuck.