deedee

Scared.

That's how I feel right now. SCARED.

Yes, everything's going to go well, indoubtly. We've got "the best" surgeons (they're always the best, everywhere you go). But hell, seeing close family in a stretcher is startling. All covered in white fabric, which makes him look like a defenseless angel.

You know when feelings are so deep that they hurt? And want to tear you in tears but you need to control them? Specially because everyone is scared, and hey, I won't be the first to break the rules.

Fuck that, now I'm home alone and need no mask to hide it.

I'm waiting for my saviour in this kind of situations, he's coming for good, for hugs, smiles, and lots of understanding. So don't worry for me. The case is not me, but the surgery.

Yes, sometimes I wish not to be so atheistic. Now I could be praying and trusting some external power, even convinced that the decision is made up there, and will of course be good.

But I'm not. But he is! So please... pray for him? I've seen so many religious people, like profound deep believers. I always think that they will go to heaven, as they trust so. Of course that WON'T happen now, but I feel that if believers pray for believers, then believers can have more "power" for everything to go well.

I'd never ask for this if I wasn't scared, promise.

In 7 hours everything's will be okay. And in a few days, back to normality again. I just want to ensure myself I've tried ALL ways to lead to the only way that it can be: which is, "there were no problems, back to normal life"... please?

Thanks.