dede

ok so i deleted that. wasnt real sure it was a good idea. maybe at a later date.

new topic.. i have felt shitty lately. maybe it is because i hurt my foot and have not been to the gym in 3 days, but im just plain sad. i cant sleep well which i know does not help either. maybe over looked/under appriciated would be a better term. not that anybody cares though is my feelings. i think i have been "overlooked" my whole life. i have no brothers or sisters and the only person i talk to in my immediate family is my mom. but there is no bond there. maybe thats why i cover myself in ink and dye my hair crazy colors. to not be missed or blend but it just doesnt seem like that is good enough either. especially here where all the girls look like that. my friends at work just ditched me for lunch (which i would never ever do to them) so i came home and thought that writing this would make me feel better. it hurts me because i feel like i put so much into my relationships with people try my hardest to be a kind person and a good friend and i just dont seem to get anythng back.. in person and online. i was a herion addict for many years and destroyed a lot of friendships and burned many bridges with people, so now that i have been sober for four and a half years i try my best to put good energy out. in hopes to get it back. but i guess thats just not the way it really works. karma is a great thing to believe in but not so sure its realistic. bad things happen to the best people all the time. then a rapist will win the lottery. yep that sounds like karma right? so maybe i should just accept the fact that maybe im not interesting or im destin to just be overlooked. maybe im just one of those people.