Holy hangover, Batman! Last night was a fucking blast.
Our friend Munchkin took us to a house party. The catch? It was a house party thrown by a bunch of card players. In other words, they were a bunch of uber nerds (at first I didn't believe that they were really nerdier than us; after all, I have a Dune tattoo. But I was mistaken). Anyway, we had heard that there were going to be a few hot girls there, so we thought "hey, if these girls are into nerds, then we can totally swindle them away from those kids because we are better looking nerds than them (at the risk of sounding narcissistic, it's true; these kids are those type of nerds) and we have social skills." The mission for the night: show up, drink their booze, steal their women, use their hot tub, and fight them if they take offense to our antisocial behavior. This mission was then sanctioned by Munchkin and the kids we knew who were at the party. Game on.
The event was best summed up by a quote from Scopitone: "Tragic: This Gathering." I've never seen a group of guys cause so much drama in one night.
Anyway, so we arrive at the party and, within five minutes of getting there, all decide that we are not nearly drunk enough to handle the bullshit that was going down. First of all, let me say that there were about 25 people there and only four of them were girls. This type of situation always causes trouble. And, to make thigs worse, this one girl, who they call Titania (the idiots gave her that name in reference to her tits, and have no idea where the name comes from) was floating between four guys the entire night. Said guys were very drunk and started to get all territorial. It was pretty ugly. This one kid, we'll call him Douchebag, was already picking fights. With his friends. Hence the name. And all this shit was going down before we even got there. Thus, we took it upon ourselves to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible. Most everyone started doing upside down margaritas. I took to the kitchen and demolished the remainder of a bottle of Jager. Soon we were all drunk enough to work our asshole magic.
So it turns out that one of the guys after Titania is our friend Mikey. Y'all may remember Mikey; he's the kid who once said to me "fuck the fat chick so I don't have to!" Anyway, Mikey is a cool kid so we decided to stay away from this particular girl out of respect for him.
About an hour after we arrived, Douchebag starts giving Mikey shit about some nonsense. Ronnie, who is itching for a fight, jumps right in and starts talking shit to Douchebag. I pulled them apart because, frankly, it was early in the night and I didn't want to lose any chance I might have had with the other girls by getting into a fight. At least not yet.
We quickly found the kids at the party who were cool and not caught up in the Titania drama and chilled with them in the hot tub for a few hours. Unfortunately, the other girls at the party could not be coerced into joining us in the hot tub because they were too freaked out by all the drama surrounding Titania. Stupid nerds.
Interlude for hilarious stories: we were chilling in the hot tub with this kid Drew. Drew's last name is Lichtenstein, so I started calling him Roy but it went over his head. Sitting in the hot tub with us are Munchkin and Andrew, who were together for a year or so a while back. Drew tells us a story about one night where Andrew and Munchkin were having sex and he was in the living room listening to it. He actually told us that he beat off to the sounds of them having sex! And, when they came out of the room, he said, and I quote, "you two aren't the only ones that got off tonight!" And another Drew story: once, at another party, he went into the woods claiming that he needed to puke. Instead, he jerked off. But, unfortunately for him, there was poison oak everywhere and he ended up with it all over his hands and his nether regions. This kid is fucking crazy.
Anyway, later on in the night, after it is apparent that the other girls aren't having any of us, Ronnie starts shit back up with Douchebag. Douchebag comes back asking Ronnie "Have you ever been shot? No? I have! In the face!" Apparently, a gun went off accidentally and shot him just behind the jaw, and the bullet is still there. And apparently he thought that we would be intimidated by the fact that he doesn't use proper firearm safety precautions. Instead, I just asked him if if he was 50 Cent, and we started yelling "G Unit!" at him. At this point things seem destined to come to blows, so we are all getting ready for a fight. In case you didn't know, drunken fighting is an art form, and my friends and I train hard. But Douchebag just won't do anything; he keeps acting tough, but he won't actually do anything about it. This kid fits into that archetypical bully mold; he acts all tough and mean and pushes people around, but as soon as someone stands up to him he crumbles. The best part was, there were four of us and about seven or so kids who had his back , and they still wouldn't do anything.
So at this point, the guy who owned the house was pressuring us to leave. Since we aren't those kind of assholes, we gladly left. But, before we left, we accomplished every aspect of our mission. We stole their tequila and their funnel, got Titania's number for future parties and, in doing so, cockblocked Douchebag.
Now, I don't want to come across as being disrespectful of these kids and their party; about half of the kids there were really cool and we had a blast. It was the few, aside from Mikey, who were tangled up with this girl that were the assholes, and they were causing trouble to everyone at the party, and even trying to start shit with their friends. They deserved everything they got.
In closing, we laughed all the way home, and i immediately called Scopitone to tell him about it because he appreciates our kind of humor. And he was also impressed by how coherent ly Vladdic and I can speak while blitzed out of our minds.
Our friend Munchkin took us to a house party. The catch? It was a house party thrown by a bunch of card players. In other words, they were a bunch of uber nerds (at first I didn't believe that they were really nerdier than us; after all, I have a Dune tattoo. But I was mistaken). Anyway, we had heard that there were going to be a few hot girls there, so we thought "hey, if these girls are into nerds, then we can totally swindle them away from those kids because we are better looking nerds than them (at the risk of sounding narcissistic, it's true; these kids are those type of nerds) and we have social skills." The mission for the night: show up, drink their booze, steal their women, use their hot tub, and fight them if they take offense to our antisocial behavior. This mission was then sanctioned by Munchkin and the kids we knew who were at the party. Game on.
The event was best summed up by a quote from Scopitone: "Tragic: This Gathering." I've never seen a group of guys cause so much drama in one night.
Anyway, so we arrive at the party and, within five minutes of getting there, all decide that we are not nearly drunk enough to handle the bullshit that was going down. First of all, let me say that there were about 25 people there and only four of them were girls. This type of situation always causes trouble. And, to make thigs worse, this one girl, who they call Titania (the idiots gave her that name in reference to her tits, and have no idea where the name comes from) was floating between four guys the entire night. Said guys were very drunk and started to get all territorial. It was pretty ugly. This one kid, we'll call him Douchebag, was already picking fights. With his friends. Hence the name. And all this shit was going down before we even got there. Thus, we took it upon ourselves to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible. Most everyone started doing upside down margaritas. I took to the kitchen and demolished the remainder of a bottle of Jager. Soon we were all drunk enough to work our asshole magic.
So it turns out that one of the guys after Titania is our friend Mikey. Y'all may remember Mikey; he's the kid who once said to me "fuck the fat chick so I don't have to!" Anyway, Mikey is a cool kid so we decided to stay away from this particular girl out of respect for him.
About an hour after we arrived, Douchebag starts giving Mikey shit about some nonsense. Ronnie, who is itching for a fight, jumps right in and starts talking shit to Douchebag. I pulled them apart because, frankly, it was early in the night and I didn't want to lose any chance I might have had with the other girls by getting into a fight. At least not yet.
We quickly found the kids at the party who were cool and not caught up in the Titania drama and chilled with them in the hot tub for a few hours. Unfortunately, the other girls at the party could not be coerced into joining us in the hot tub because they were too freaked out by all the drama surrounding Titania. Stupid nerds.
Interlude for hilarious stories: we were chilling in the hot tub with this kid Drew. Drew's last name is Lichtenstein, so I started calling him Roy but it went over his head. Sitting in the hot tub with us are Munchkin and Andrew, who were together for a year or so a while back. Drew tells us a story about one night where Andrew and Munchkin were having sex and he was in the living room listening to it. He actually told us that he beat off to the sounds of them having sex! And, when they came out of the room, he said, and I quote, "you two aren't the only ones that got off tonight!" And another Drew story: once, at another party, he went into the woods claiming that he needed to puke. Instead, he jerked off. But, unfortunately for him, there was poison oak everywhere and he ended up with it all over his hands and his nether regions. This kid is fucking crazy.
Anyway, later on in the night, after it is apparent that the other girls aren't having any of us, Ronnie starts shit back up with Douchebag. Douchebag comes back asking Ronnie "Have you ever been shot? No? I have! In the face!" Apparently, a gun went off accidentally and shot him just behind the jaw, and the bullet is still there. And apparently he thought that we would be intimidated by the fact that he doesn't use proper firearm safety precautions. Instead, I just asked him if if he was 50 Cent, and we started yelling "G Unit!" at him. At this point things seem destined to come to blows, so we are all getting ready for a fight. In case you didn't know, drunken fighting is an art form, and my friends and I train hard. But Douchebag just won't do anything; he keeps acting tough, but he won't actually do anything about it. This kid fits into that archetypical bully mold; he acts all tough and mean and pushes people around, but as soon as someone stands up to him he crumbles. The best part was, there were four of us and about seven or so kids who had his back , and they still wouldn't do anything.
So at this point, the guy who owned the house was pressuring us to leave. Since we aren't those kind of assholes, we gladly left. But, before we left, we accomplished every aspect of our mission. We stole their tequila and their funnel, got Titania's number for future parties and, in doing so, cockblocked Douchebag.
Now, I don't want to come across as being disrespectful of these kids and their party; about half of the kids there were really cool and we had a blast. It was the few, aside from Mikey, who were tangled up with this girl that were the assholes, and they were causing trouble to everyone at the party, and even trying to start shit with their friends. They deserved everything they got.
In closing, we laughed all the way home, and i immediately called Scopitone to tell him about it because he appreciates our kind of humor. And he was also impressed by how coherent ly Vladdic and I can speak while blitzed out of our minds.
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As for the story... Good times!
Damn, I never thought of that.
Ain't gonna happen, though. Every time I get a decent chunk of change and earmark it for a new 'puter, a trip comes up. This time, I will not be swayed!
No, dammit.
No.