Blarg... I'm fucking exhausted. What a weekend.
Friday night, as I previously mentioned, was the annual joint birthday party for my friends Megan and Becky. It was a pimps and hoes themed party, and nearly everyone there dressed up. I dug through every item of clothing I own looking for a pimp costume, but to no avail. So I ended up going as a manwhore; I kicked it Midnight Cowboy style and wore tight jeans, cowboy boots, a cowboy hat, a jean jacket, a kerchief around my neck, and no shirt. It was awesome.
The party was really fun. And I even outdid myself; I almost got into TWO fights last night, as opposed to the usual one. First of all, this kid was there who goes to Georgia Tech, As I have previously explained, it is my god given right to make fun of Tech kids. So I began witha subject that usually amounts to a good amount of good natured shit talking: football. However, this kid started taking serious offense at what I was saying, and started to give me shit. So, basically, I told him he was a douche, explained how retarded it was to get so angry over football, and told him that if he wanted to fight to feel free and hit me. And then I blew him a kiss, which really pissed him off, and started trying to provoke him by saying things like "What are you going to do, type me to death? It must be difficult to interact with people without a keyboard in front of you, huh?" and so forth. Anyway, that got diffused somehow, although I kind of wish it hadn't because this morning I still thought he was an asshole when I was sober.
At some point a cop showed up to deal with noise complaints from the neighbors, and basically just told us all to move inside the house. While our friend talked to the cop, a few of us were trying to shut everyone inside up so we could explain the deal to them. Enter fight number two. This kid who had just walked into the party just wouldn't shut up and kept on yelling stupid shit, and so I, being rather drunk and pissed off, informed him that if he didn't shut the hell up I would fucking kill him. He took offense to this, but that was quickly diffused as well, and we soon made up and chaulked it all up to being drunk. However, that kid ended up harassing a bunch of the girls later on, which makes me wish I had kicked his ass when I had the chance.
What did I learn from this? If, in the future, I feel like fighting is necessary, I should go ahead because apparently my drunken self knows best in this matter.
And here is Great Weekend Quote number one:
Lindsay went to bed upstairs, and a guy went up and slept in the bed with her. Some other girls walked in later for some reason and noticed that he had his hand down her stockings while she was asleep. Not fucking cool. Anyway, so they dispatched Jeremy to take care of it, but he was too fucked up to realize what was going on and ended up just knocking on the door for about 10 minutes. In the end they moved the guy and slept on either side of her. Anyway, that is definitely not the great part. What was great was when we were discussing the incident this morning, Jeremy. still fucked up, asked "He had his hand next to her cootchie?" And then when they told him that he had helped fix the situation, he asked "I stopped the cootchie?"
That's right: "I stopped the cootchie?"
And so an inside joke was born.
After we all went to bed, Jeremy and Aaron decided that it was a good idea to go to Kroger to get food. So they hop in Megan's old van and drive to Kroger. This is where the trouble begins. First of all, both of them were drunk as hell and on top of the booze they had each taken two or three Zanexes. So, needless to say, they could barely keep from drooling on themselves, let alone drive.
Early this morning, we recieve a call from them.
"The van is stuck in a ditch!"
"Ok, where are ya'll?"
"Off of Northpoint Parkway, on some dirt road."
Now, there is a Kroger about 100 feet from Lindsay's neighborhood. Northpoint Parkway is a good ten miles away, and about a 15 minute drive. And, on the way to the crash site, they not only passed that Kroger, but passed a Publix too. And yet they kept driving. Anyway, so Brandon picks them up and today he and I went to try and get the van out of the ditch. Try and picture this, now. They drove about ten miles out of the way, almost to the mall, when they decided to turn around. So they pull onto this random little road that leads to some townhouses. The road curves to the right after about a quarter mile, and at the curve, a little dirt road veers off away from the paved road. So they drive down this road, then choose to go on the dirt road instead of the paved road. They made it about 100 yards down the dirt road before Aaron veered off into the ditch and got stuck. The rear axle had bottomed out on the ground. But, aside from what the fuck ever drew them so far from the kroger, the weirdest thign to me is that they survived for so long, and then got taken out by a ditch.
Anyway, this morning we all woke up and just lazed about all day, drank, smoked, and told bad, bad jokes. Some kid was passed out on the floor and we covered him in popcorn bags, thus earning him the nickname Popsecret. We all went to breakfast and afterwards I got some high school hussies to wash my car. Brandon and I went and hauled the van out of the ditch. Then tonight we threw another, albeit smaller, party for Catie's birthday tonight. Knifefight damn near vomited up his large intestines after funneling vodka.
Enter Great Weekend Quote number two. Two of our, shall we say, less attractive friends were on the road to hooking up tonight, which would have been, for each of them, a mistake. Thus it was dubbed The Dual Mistake.
Anyway, that was my crazy and awesome weekend. i'm sure there is more, but I'm tired and this is way too long already.
Friday night, as I previously mentioned, was the annual joint birthday party for my friends Megan and Becky. It was a pimps and hoes themed party, and nearly everyone there dressed up. I dug through every item of clothing I own looking for a pimp costume, but to no avail. So I ended up going as a manwhore; I kicked it Midnight Cowboy style and wore tight jeans, cowboy boots, a cowboy hat, a jean jacket, a kerchief around my neck, and no shirt. It was awesome.
The party was really fun. And I even outdid myself; I almost got into TWO fights last night, as opposed to the usual one. First of all, this kid was there who goes to Georgia Tech, As I have previously explained, it is my god given right to make fun of Tech kids. So I began witha subject that usually amounts to a good amount of good natured shit talking: football. However, this kid started taking serious offense at what I was saying, and started to give me shit. So, basically, I told him he was a douche, explained how retarded it was to get so angry over football, and told him that if he wanted to fight to feel free and hit me. And then I blew him a kiss, which really pissed him off, and started trying to provoke him by saying things like "What are you going to do, type me to death? It must be difficult to interact with people without a keyboard in front of you, huh?" and so forth. Anyway, that got diffused somehow, although I kind of wish it hadn't because this morning I still thought he was an asshole when I was sober.
At some point a cop showed up to deal with noise complaints from the neighbors, and basically just told us all to move inside the house. While our friend talked to the cop, a few of us were trying to shut everyone inside up so we could explain the deal to them. Enter fight number two. This kid who had just walked into the party just wouldn't shut up and kept on yelling stupid shit, and so I, being rather drunk and pissed off, informed him that if he didn't shut the hell up I would fucking kill him. He took offense to this, but that was quickly diffused as well, and we soon made up and chaulked it all up to being drunk. However, that kid ended up harassing a bunch of the girls later on, which makes me wish I had kicked his ass when I had the chance.
What did I learn from this? If, in the future, I feel like fighting is necessary, I should go ahead because apparently my drunken self knows best in this matter.
And here is Great Weekend Quote number one:
Lindsay went to bed upstairs, and a guy went up and slept in the bed with her. Some other girls walked in later for some reason and noticed that he had his hand down her stockings while she was asleep. Not fucking cool. Anyway, so they dispatched Jeremy to take care of it, but he was too fucked up to realize what was going on and ended up just knocking on the door for about 10 minutes. In the end they moved the guy and slept on either side of her. Anyway, that is definitely not the great part. What was great was when we were discussing the incident this morning, Jeremy. still fucked up, asked "He had his hand next to her cootchie?" And then when they told him that he had helped fix the situation, he asked "I stopped the cootchie?"
That's right: "I stopped the cootchie?"
And so an inside joke was born.
After we all went to bed, Jeremy and Aaron decided that it was a good idea to go to Kroger to get food. So they hop in Megan's old van and drive to Kroger. This is where the trouble begins. First of all, both of them were drunk as hell and on top of the booze they had each taken two or three Zanexes. So, needless to say, they could barely keep from drooling on themselves, let alone drive.
Early this morning, we recieve a call from them.
"The van is stuck in a ditch!"
"Ok, where are ya'll?"
"Off of Northpoint Parkway, on some dirt road."
Now, there is a Kroger about 100 feet from Lindsay's neighborhood. Northpoint Parkway is a good ten miles away, and about a 15 minute drive. And, on the way to the crash site, they not only passed that Kroger, but passed a Publix too. And yet they kept driving. Anyway, so Brandon picks them up and today he and I went to try and get the van out of the ditch. Try and picture this, now. They drove about ten miles out of the way, almost to the mall, when they decided to turn around. So they pull onto this random little road that leads to some townhouses. The road curves to the right after about a quarter mile, and at the curve, a little dirt road veers off away from the paved road. So they drive down this road, then choose to go on the dirt road instead of the paved road. They made it about 100 yards down the dirt road before Aaron veered off into the ditch and got stuck. The rear axle had bottomed out on the ground. But, aside from what the fuck ever drew them so far from the kroger, the weirdest thign to me is that they survived for so long, and then got taken out by a ditch.
Anyway, this morning we all woke up and just lazed about all day, drank, smoked, and told bad, bad jokes. Some kid was passed out on the floor and we covered him in popcorn bags, thus earning him the nickname Popsecret. We all went to breakfast and afterwards I got some high school hussies to wash my car. Brandon and I went and hauled the van out of the ditch. Then tonight we threw another, albeit smaller, party for Catie's birthday tonight. Knifefight damn near vomited up his large intestines after funneling vodka.
Enter Great Weekend Quote number two. Two of our, shall we say, less attractive friends were on the road to hooking up tonight, which would have been, for each of them, a mistake. Thus it was dubbed The Dual Mistake.
Anyway, that was my crazy and awesome weekend. i'm sure there is more, but I'm tired and this is way too long already.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Re: your comment, though... how can you go wrong with the Reverend and boozin'? Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.