I know ya'll have been clamoring for a new party story, and so, to appease my fans, I shall give you one!
Last night Vladdic, Knifefight and I went to our friend Vanessa's birthday party. After our arrival, I proceeded to get really drunk, Knifefight proceededto get drunk and stoned, and Vladdic decided it was a good night to get absolutely retarded and begin to lose basic motor functions.
Our friends Ronnie and kevin are DJs, and so (as usual) they were spinning at the party. At some point they decided to relinquish control of the turntables to some other guy. This guy was playing great music like that Dirty Vegas song from the Mitsubishi commercial. Vladdic, naturally, decided to heckle the DJ. At first the poor bastard thought Vladdic was joking around, but after numerous heckles he began to make a sad attempt at fighting back.
example:
Vladdic: You fucking suck!
DJ Douche: That's because everyone is listening to you!
Yeah. What the hell?
A bit later this group of girls shows up (Flux, this included an Emma that went to high school with us then moved to England after sophomore year, I think she said she knew you). Three out of the four were really hot (I was still relatively sober at this point, so it wasn't just beer goggles). Of course their arrival signaled a new and long round of shots, and it wasn't too long before everyone was quite drunk. (note: the least attractive of the three began feeding me shots, and when i said "Ya'll are going to have to take care of me later tonight" she replied "I'll take care of you!" I quickly scooted away from her. Yeah, I'm a guy and i'm fucking shallow, what do you want?) I ended up hanging with the girls for the majority of the night, since they were at the same time the coolest and hottest people there. At some point someone whipped out a marker and everyone began writing all over each other. When someone suggested that I show the girls my new tattoo, I quickly seized the chance I had been waiting for since i got it:
Me: *flexes arm* "Check out these guns!" (I got a revolver under my right arm for those not in the know)
My awesome joke was a big hit (I told you fuckers that puns are awesome!) and they wrote "guns" on my arm. Also, for some reason, we started mocking sxe kids or something, and we all drew an "X" on each hand and began yelling "Straightedge!" yeah, I have no idea where that came from, it just seemed like the thing to do at the time. (note: I don't want to hear any edge related bitching, it was a fucking joke. Nothing is funnier than making fun of those who are different from you.)
Vladdic and one of the girls started fighting, which they do every time they see each other, and it was hilarious. He said something that really made her mad eventually, and the less attractive girl pulled her aside to try and calm it down. The girl Vladdic was fighting made a remark along the lines of "I swear to god, I want to fucking beat his ass." I immediately shouted "DO IT! He deserves it! Kick his ass!"
This is the point where the less attractive girl became unenamored with me and recoiled in horror yelling "NO! They do not need to fight!" (note: this girl does not usually hang out with us and so is not used to our rowdy ways. The girl doing the fighting was all for it.)
Anyway, at some point we all move to the porch. Vladdic, by this point completely annihalated, decided it was a good idea to pour his drink on his head. Why? Who knows, but it was funny. All the girls then emptied their drinks onto his head too. It was quite amusing. I grabbed Vladdic a dry shirt, and when he changed he tossed his wet shirt at the less attractive girl. She then screamed in agony. Apparently, the shirt had hit her cigarette and knocked it into her face. Apparently minor burns (it was a mild 1st degree) are plenty of reason to throw a hissy fit to this girl.
At about this time i made a joke at Ronnie's expense. He then started to freak out and act really pissed at me, and ran off in the direction of the cars. A few minutes later while I was minding my own business and hanging around the door, Ronnie burst through it and started stabbing at me! With, it turned out, a pair of toenail clippers. He got me pretty good; it was funny as hell.
The girls decided to leave, and with them left any interest I had in the party (most of the crowd was in their late 20s, and you oldsters just don't party like us younguns do
). Of course Vladdic, being the fucking asshole that he is, decides to provide us with a less than desireable exit.
By this point he could neither walk well nor speak in coherent sentences. A new guest arrived, and as soon as she walked past him he began screaming "WHORE! WHORE!" Needless to say, she got very upset, so he said, "Aww, I'm sorry, come here," and then once she hugged him yelled right in her ear "WHORE!" Now, secretly, I thought this was hilarious because i am a terrible person, but I was also quite mortified because this poor girl had no idea who he was or what was going on (note: Vladdic enjoys getting drunk and verbally abusing people. Usually he gives an explaination and isn't really that mean, but last night he was too drunk to remember his own name, so manners fell to the wayside.) Kurt and I scrambled to do damage control, and decided quickly that we needed to get Vladdic the fuck out of there.
Now, Vladdic had been housesitting for his brother in Kennesaw; I had actually driven to kennesaw to pick him up earlier that night. At some point in the night he called our friend Alex, woke him up, and asked him to drive him to Kennesaw because he had to be there by 6am or something. So, unbeknowst to us, poor Alex is waiting outside for Vladdic while all this was going on. To make things worse, somehow Vladdic got in a fight with someone on the way out. I'm not clear on the details about that at all. But anyway, once we finally seperate Vladdic from random guy, we notice Alex and all ride over to Vladdic's apartment one complex over. Vladdic proceeds to try to fight all of us (myself, Knifefight, Alex, Kurt, and Ronnie) and starts throwing what i assume were intended as insults our way, though I can't be sure because he was so drunk he was just stringing random nonsensical words together. Unfortunately, while we were in the other room, Vladdic passed out on the futon in the living room and refused to get up. Every time we attempted to get him up and remind him that he had to go to his brother's he would start fighting us and yelling random nonsense at us. So, we took the lazy "Fuck you and your obligations, Vladdic!" way out and decided to wait until morning.
About this time Knifefight, who is asleep in a chair in Vladdic's living room, decides it would be a great idea to vomit in his sleep. Luckily, we noticed before long and woke him up. I'm still not sure why he threw up period, let alone in his sleep, because he wasn't very drunk at all, and woke up with a "Dammit!" and cleaned himself up and then went to bed with no further problems. Weird.
Alex, Kurt and I shot the shit until about 9am when we decided it was once again time to attempt to revive Vladdic. As soon as we woke him up it was obvious that he was still drunk; he was still yelling disjointed insults and giving us the ole double deuce. This time though we managed to get him up.
So, at about 9:30 I drove Vladdic to Kennesaw and his brother's house with Kurt to keep me company. I spent the better part of today in the car running back and forth from Sandy Springs to Kennesaw to Dunwoody to Sandy Springs and finally, only recently, made it back to my apartment.
All in all it was a very entertaining night and I had a blast. Now I am going to lay about and nurse this fatigue/hangover combo I have going on.
Last night Vladdic, Knifefight and I went to our friend Vanessa's birthday party. After our arrival, I proceeded to get really drunk, Knifefight proceededto get drunk and stoned, and Vladdic decided it was a good night to get absolutely retarded and begin to lose basic motor functions.
Our friends Ronnie and kevin are DJs, and so (as usual) they were spinning at the party. At some point they decided to relinquish control of the turntables to some other guy. This guy was playing great music like that Dirty Vegas song from the Mitsubishi commercial. Vladdic, naturally, decided to heckle the DJ. At first the poor bastard thought Vladdic was joking around, but after numerous heckles he began to make a sad attempt at fighting back.
example:
Vladdic: You fucking suck!
DJ Douche: That's because everyone is listening to you!
Yeah. What the hell?
A bit later this group of girls shows up (Flux, this included an Emma that went to high school with us then moved to England after sophomore year, I think she said she knew you). Three out of the four were really hot (I was still relatively sober at this point, so it wasn't just beer goggles). Of course their arrival signaled a new and long round of shots, and it wasn't too long before everyone was quite drunk. (note: the least attractive of the three began feeding me shots, and when i said "Ya'll are going to have to take care of me later tonight" she replied "I'll take care of you!" I quickly scooted away from her. Yeah, I'm a guy and i'm fucking shallow, what do you want?) I ended up hanging with the girls for the majority of the night, since they were at the same time the coolest and hottest people there. At some point someone whipped out a marker and everyone began writing all over each other. When someone suggested that I show the girls my new tattoo, I quickly seized the chance I had been waiting for since i got it:
Me: *flexes arm* "Check out these guns!" (I got a revolver under my right arm for those not in the know)
My awesome joke was a big hit (I told you fuckers that puns are awesome!) and they wrote "guns" on my arm. Also, for some reason, we started mocking sxe kids or something, and we all drew an "X" on each hand and began yelling "Straightedge!" yeah, I have no idea where that came from, it just seemed like the thing to do at the time. (note: I don't want to hear any edge related bitching, it was a fucking joke. Nothing is funnier than making fun of those who are different from you.)
Vladdic and one of the girls started fighting, which they do every time they see each other, and it was hilarious. He said something that really made her mad eventually, and the less attractive girl pulled her aside to try and calm it down. The girl Vladdic was fighting made a remark along the lines of "I swear to god, I want to fucking beat his ass." I immediately shouted "DO IT! He deserves it! Kick his ass!"
This is the point where the less attractive girl became unenamored with me and recoiled in horror yelling "NO! They do not need to fight!" (note: this girl does not usually hang out with us and so is not used to our rowdy ways. The girl doing the fighting was all for it.)
Anyway, at some point we all move to the porch. Vladdic, by this point completely annihalated, decided it was a good idea to pour his drink on his head. Why? Who knows, but it was funny. All the girls then emptied their drinks onto his head too. It was quite amusing. I grabbed Vladdic a dry shirt, and when he changed he tossed his wet shirt at the less attractive girl. She then screamed in agony. Apparently, the shirt had hit her cigarette and knocked it into her face. Apparently minor burns (it was a mild 1st degree) are plenty of reason to throw a hissy fit to this girl.
At about this time i made a joke at Ronnie's expense. He then started to freak out and act really pissed at me, and ran off in the direction of the cars. A few minutes later while I was minding my own business and hanging around the door, Ronnie burst through it and started stabbing at me! With, it turned out, a pair of toenail clippers. He got me pretty good; it was funny as hell.
The girls decided to leave, and with them left any interest I had in the party (most of the crowd was in their late 20s, and you oldsters just don't party like us younguns do
). Of course Vladdic, being the fucking asshole that he is, decides to provide us with a less than desireable exit.
By this point he could neither walk well nor speak in coherent sentences. A new guest arrived, and as soon as she walked past him he began screaming "WHORE! WHORE!" Needless to say, she got very upset, so he said, "Aww, I'm sorry, come here," and then once she hugged him yelled right in her ear "WHORE!" Now, secretly, I thought this was hilarious because i am a terrible person, but I was also quite mortified because this poor girl had no idea who he was or what was going on (note: Vladdic enjoys getting drunk and verbally abusing people. Usually he gives an explaination and isn't really that mean, but last night he was too drunk to remember his own name, so manners fell to the wayside.) Kurt and I scrambled to do damage control, and decided quickly that we needed to get Vladdic the fuck out of there.
Now, Vladdic had been housesitting for his brother in Kennesaw; I had actually driven to kennesaw to pick him up earlier that night. At some point in the night he called our friend Alex, woke him up, and asked him to drive him to Kennesaw because he had to be there by 6am or something. So, unbeknowst to us, poor Alex is waiting outside for Vladdic while all this was going on. To make things worse, somehow Vladdic got in a fight with someone on the way out. I'm not clear on the details about that at all. But anyway, once we finally seperate Vladdic from random guy, we notice Alex and all ride over to Vladdic's apartment one complex over. Vladdic proceeds to try to fight all of us (myself, Knifefight, Alex, Kurt, and Ronnie) and starts throwing what i assume were intended as insults our way, though I can't be sure because he was so drunk he was just stringing random nonsensical words together. Unfortunately, while we were in the other room, Vladdic passed out on the futon in the living room and refused to get up. Every time we attempted to get him up and remind him that he had to go to his brother's he would start fighting us and yelling random nonsense at us. So, we took the lazy "Fuck you and your obligations, Vladdic!" way out and decided to wait until morning.
About this time Knifefight, who is asleep in a chair in Vladdic's living room, decides it would be a great idea to vomit in his sleep. Luckily, we noticed before long and woke him up. I'm still not sure why he threw up period, let alone in his sleep, because he wasn't very drunk at all, and woke up with a "Dammit!" and cleaned himself up and then went to bed with no further problems. Weird.
Alex, Kurt and I shot the shit until about 9am when we decided it was once again time to attempt to revive Vladdic. As soon as we woke him up it was obvious that he was still drunk; he was still yelling disjointed insults and giving us the ole double deuce. This time though we managed to get him up.
So, at about 9:30 I drove Vladdic to Kennesaw and his brother's house with Kurt to keep me company. I spent the better part of today in the car running back and forth from Sandy Springs to Kennesaw to Dunwoody to Sandy Springs and finally, only recently, made it back to my apartment.
All in all it was a very entertaining night and I had a blast. Now I am going to lay about and nurse this fatigue/hangover combo I have going on.
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