deathtoyourmom

i've always wondered: how morally wrong is it to stare at a blind person on the T?



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so i said goodbye to someone wonderful yesterday morning.

i was expecting to be all fucked up about it for a week or so, usual healing time and what not. but i'm actually ok. it's not bothering me as much as it should have. i've been having epiphony after epiphony for the past two days, and they've been morderately good ones.

which is not to say part of me isn't sad that it didn't work out. but that's how things go, and you just have to take the experience and go with it. how a person deals with an experience pretty much shapes who they are. if you're going to dwell on negativity, you're pretty much fucking yourself more than the other person would have.

and relying too deeply on another person for your happiness isn't exactly the best thing in the world.

so i've decided to continue what i hoped to begin on new year's day. to continue living the way i want to live, doing what i want to do, without relying on anyone to tell me where to go and how to be. and when a person like me who lives a decadently dystopic dionysian lifestyle, left usually up to chance and coincidence has to answer to another person, that beauty of randomness, that excitement, dies in favor of comfort.

i worked hard last year to put myself in a place where i could be at peace. things are coming together nicely. i live in a good house, with good people, work a job i like and am fabulous at, have a bikegang who is, at times, more family to me than my real family ever was(not to say that i don't love my blood unconditionally. that is incomparable). so i'm going to continue as if today just was january first.

i will go to more poi conferences and finally learn to breathe fire.

i will condition myself to ride a 6' tall chopper and survive an impact with little to no damage.

i will learn to weld and build my other ships.

i will actively paint more and collaborate more.

i will perfect my guitar technique.

i will spend my time with those i love and forgo focusing on one person, unless i feel justified in embarking in another one of those "relationship things"

i will continue to live my life as if every day was the last day i were alive.

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i am not dismissing the past couple of months as a waste of time. some of those times were truly wonderful. others, deeply aggravating. but holistically, i am happy that it happened. and it is a nice memory i can put away.

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my best friend arrives on saturday. i cannot be happier to have him live with me. it's like they miraculously re-attached my left arm to my body after six years. and i like my left arm, it has most of my scars on it.

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gotta make a couple phone calls then its off to meet momo for tea.

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and to that tall boy in the striped shirt i saw dancing at manray: thank you. i had a lovely time.