Leave it all behind you...
Is my sometimes plan. I'm lonlier than I've ever been in my entire life. I'm surrounded by people that pretend to care, when it's convenient for them and beneficial to them. I'm tired. All I can muster is the energy to sleep since returning from Florida.
I thought this trip would bring closure to my father's dying and my inability to cope. It hasn't.
I have the desire to run. Far away this time, from just about everyone. It hurts to care, especially when that ever-present feeling of detachment and distance pervades your life.
I'm starting to think a routine is much needed in my life. I have so much more than so many, yet feel hollow all the time. My days consist of sleeping, and it seems the 7 prescriptions I'm on are doing jack shit to change that. I'm nauseated by my own hesitance yet hesitant to amend my actions. I need to leave Austin yet cannot decide where to go, for fear of further isolation. I have 52 friends, and yet have seen 2 in the last months since my fathers death.
Have you ever felt out of place everywhere you go? I continue to live in the past and future, and deny the existence of the present. It's all so fleeting. So little time, and I spend it dreaming. Perhaps in death I will awaken and find life.
Is my sometimes plan. I'm lonlier than I've ever been in my entire life. I'm surrounded by people that pretend to care, when it's convenient for them and beneficial to them. I'm tired. All I can muster is the energy to sleep since returning from Florida.
I thought this trip would bring closure to my father's dying and my inability to cope. It hasn't.
I have the desire to run. Far away this time, from just about everyone. It hurts to care, especially when that ever-present feeling of detachment and distance pervades your life.
I'm starting to think a routine is much needed in my life. I have so much more than so many, yet feel hollow all the time. My days consist of sleeping, and it seems the 7 prescriptions I'm on are doing jack shit to change that. I'm nauseated by my own hesitance yet hesitant to amend my actions. I need to leave Austin yet cannot decide where to go, for fear of further isolation. I have 52 friends, and yet have seen 2 in the last months since my fathers death.
Have you ever felt out of place everywhere you go? I continue to live in the past and future, and deny the existence of the present. It's all so fleeting. So little time, and I spend it dreaming. Perhaps in death I will awaken and find life.
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-the geist
btw Lao Tsu said shut the fuck up and go fuck yourself.
Think on it.