deathtoforls

It was a ballbuster of an evening, racing here and there, in a semi sober continuum. Comment posted to previous entry "this is probably more innocent than it sounds"....jesus I wish. Am I smoking crack? Why why why am I obsessed with boys? It's not like I have nothing to do and am just passing time, or even a lonliness driving me to date so many guys, if you can call it dating. More of a mutual agreement to chill out on occasion. I am finding out very quickly that I am a weak individual...but is it weakness if I go into a situation knowing exactly what I want and feeling comfortable with my decisions? Maybe I'm just a certified skank now. I have no problem with my choices, but then again I was married for 5 years, and with the previous ex for 3 years, so is it so bad to slut out a little? I'm the queen of safety, so I'm not a public health threat...yet. I cannot discuss my recent indiscretions with my best gal friend. I can already hear what she would say, so I'm not even going to broach the topic with her . Once upon a time I viewed sex as sacred, but unless it's with the right person, it's just another method of physical expression. I write these words and wonder who I'm trying to convince. Not to be a feminazi freakazoid, but if I was male, it wouldnt be an issue. Why am I supposed to be chaste, reserved, prudish, and sexually dead simply because I don't have a penis? I need advice in a sick sick way. I don't regret any of the decisions I've made as of late, but that leads to me wondering if I should have regret. So until someone beats me over the head and tells me I'm a bad person, I guess I wont worry. Perhaps I should stay away from the vodka next time, as it leads me down a lecherous path of lust that is a deadend. I think it may boil down to nymphomania...and an increasing need for me to see a psychotherpist.