Be A Cheerleader!!!
I just bought a new car, it had 21 miles on it at time of purchase. How happy am I about that? Fucking thrilled. How happy am I about the fact I now have a car note again just 12 short months after paying off the 'Rolla? Not too excited, but everything comes at a price. It's an adorable Scion XB. Yep, I drive a milk truck. I wanted a pickup, but living in DC just didn't warrant the purchase of an environment wrecking pain in the ass to park vehicle. I could give a fuck about sentence structure, punctuation, and grammer at the moment.
My job is basically a joke. I'm bitter. I HATE a good majority of the management, if you can actually qualify it as such. Morale is low, very very low. When I recently told my manager it was unrealistic to expect me to work 12 hour days without so much as a lunch break, he told me to "stop being so negative and complaining so much. Be A FUCKING CHEERLEADER." WTF???! Do my job for 2 hours bitch tits, then repeat that statement. I'll cheerlead my pompoms right up your lazy ass you stupid fuck. If my work and dedication to work was appreciated, I would be a goddamned cheerleader. Fact is, I've been doing this long enough to know what the hell I'm doing, and yet they still treat me as if I'm inept.
Why did I accept this job? What was I thinking? I must have been in some sort of masochistic haze in which I decided I wanted to be anally raped sans lubricant daily, for 12 hours a day.
I feel demoralized. Unappreciated, unaccomplished and generally incompetent. And I know I'm competent (sp?). I know I'm skilled. It's simply hard to have faith in yourself when no one has faith in you.
I'm depressed. For the first time in a long while I feel like starving myself again, cutting my arms and legs up to numb the pain, and withdrawing from everything. But I can't. Because now I have this goddamned car note. I'm lonely on a very strange level, and were it not for Eve, I'd be lost.
Everything seems to be falling apart. I've gained weight since I moved up here, I cant get my skin to completely clear up due to the fact I have my head 2 inches from a dog or cats nasty mouth 12 hours a day as I aerosolize tartar off of teeth and into my pores. I'm not in school or anywhere near going back. I feel like a fucking failure. I'm tired and bitter and depressed and ugly. But wait, maybe if I was a fucking cheerleader everything would be awesome. Then I'd be happy about being a doormat. FUCK THIS, FUCK LIFE, FUCK THIS JOB, FUCK OFF.
I just bought a new car, it had 21 miles on it at time of purchase. How happy am I about that? Fucking thrilled. How happy am I about the fact I now have a car note again just 12 short months after paying off the 'Rolla? Not too excited, but everything comes at a price. It's an adorable Scion XB. Yep, I drive a milk truck. I wanted a pickup, but living in DC just didn't warrant the purchase of an environment wrecking pain in the ass to park vehicle. I could give a fuck about sentence structure, punctuation, and grammer at the moment.
My job is basically a joke. I'm bitter. I HATE a good majority of the management, if you can actually qualify it as such. Morale is low, very very low. When I recently told my manager it was unrealistic to expect me to work 12 hour days without so much as a lunch break, he told me to "stop being so negative and complaining so much. Be A FUCKING CHEERLEADER." WTF???! Do my job for 2 hours bitch tits, then repeat that statement. I'll cheerlead my pompoms right up your lazy ass you stupid fuck. If my work and dedication to work was appreciated, I would be a goddamned cheerleader. Fact is, I've been doing this long enough to know what the hell I'm doing, and yet they still treat me as if I'm inept.
Why did I accept this job? What was I thinking? I must have been in some sort of masochistic haze in which I decided I wanted to be anally raped sans lubricant daily, for 12 hours a day.
I feel demoralized. Unappreciated, unaccomplished and generally incompetent. And I know I'm competent (sp?). I know I'm skilled. It's simply hard to have faith in yourself when no one has faith in you.
I'm depressed. For the first time in a long while I feel like starving myself again, cutting my arms and legs up to numb the pain, and withdrawing from everything. But I can't. Because now I have this goddamned car note. I'm lonely on a very strange level, and were it not for Eve, I'd be lost.
Everything seems to be falling apart. I've gained weight since I moved up here, I cant get my skin to completely clear up due to the fact I have my head 2 inches from a dog or cats nasty mouth 12 hours a day as I aerosolize tartar off of teeth and into my pores. I'm not in school or anywhere near going back. I feel like a fucking failure. I'm tired and bitter and depressed and ugly. But wait, maybe if I was a fucking cheerleader everything would be awesome. Then I'd be happy about being a doormat. FUCK THIS, FUCK LIFE, FUCK THIS JOB, FUCK OFF.
evzilla:
You're completely justified in being furious about so many things. I just wish you wouldn't take it out on yourself when it's not your fault. It breaks my heart to see them getting to you. I'd be absolutely lost here without you too. I know we feel very differently about this place but what really makes it for me is having you no more than a mile away at any given moment. If you're going to starve yourself, I am too. If you're going to gain ten pounds, I am too. I've got your fucking back no matter what. I also don't care how healthy your decisions are, I just care that you're making them for YOURSELF and not because some morons who ULTIMATELY DO NOT MATTER TO ANYONE are trying to twist you dry for every last ounce of effort that adds to their bottom line. You're better than them, you care more than they do, you're smarter than them, they haven't got anything on you.